1. Be careful who you pick up in bars. The pick-up scene in Kuta is legendary and there are plenty of young (and not so young) gals and guys in search of a holiday “romance”. The problem is that not everyone has such nob-le intentions (there are even psychos out there you know). So play it safe and avoid any trouble. For a guy that means being aware that the exotic lass you pulled at the bar might not just covet your beer belly but also the contents of your wallet and - if you’re really unlucky - your new Tissot watch and gold chain as well. It’s much safer to stay with what you know i.e. fellow tourists, but if you insist on going Asian, you could always try the Japanese/Korean “route” instead.
The ladies must be equally wary and if a young Balinese beach bum thinks you have “such a great figure for a 55 year old woman”, then one word should definitely spring to mind: GIGOLO. These characters are masters of deception and will sweet talk you out of as much money as they possibly can (just for the record, Honda motorcycles start at around Rp12 million, okay?)
Right with that out of the way, now onto the mechanics:
2. For God’s sake use a condom. Would you trust someone you just met in a bar if they wanted to borrow some money or wanted to sell you a car? Of course you wouldn’t! And here you are about to do something which could plausible kill you, give you a incurable disease like AIDS or even make you a parent. It’s really not worth it – even for a night of sordid, sweaty fun.
3. Make sure you are well prepared and keep some condoms in your handbag (or your pocket if you are a guy!). If you intend to buy them on the way back to the hotel, it’s sod’s law that the shop will either: 1) be closed or 2) the condoms will be habis (sold out). Some solo trial runs should also be undertaken in advance as Indonesian condoms are a bit “undersized”. There are also some interesting flavors - including durian, Indonesia’s most fearsome looking fruit (but don’t worry: the condom’s not prickly at all!)
4. Sex and drunkenness don’t go together. Most of us have difficulty in making sensible decisions when we are sober - let alone when we are pissed. So keep your wits about you and don’t get sloshed.
5. Go to the bar with a good friend. This is a particularly sensible idea for the gals – assuming of course that your buddy wouldn’t encourage your wanton side by complementing the heavily tattooed guy who is hitting on you for being so “hunky” (even though he’s a well known thug from Brisbane).
6. Have a shower after the act. Cleanliness is next to godliness - even after sinning :) -- Just make sure you follow the rule of Indonesian bathroom etiquette.
7. Abstinence. Why not give sex a miss for a while as there are so many other pleasures to enjoy in Bali? Yeah alright: Cross that one out then…