Still remember Schapelle Corby? Yes, of course you do. She’s that buxom Australian beauty who tried to get rich quick by smuggling over four kilograms of marijuana into Bali. Unfortunately for her, however, things didn’t quite go to plan, and customs officials nabbed her at the airport with the marijuana tightly packed into her boogie board.
She was subsequently convicted in a much-publicized trial, and is currently incarcerated in the less-than-salubrious confines of Bali’s notorious Kerobokan jail, along with other drug traffickers like French stud Michaël Blanc.
And Kerobokan certainly ain’t the Hilton. So one can only wonder how Corby is holding up in a small swelteringly hot cell with five others and with the lights switched on 24/7. Unimaginable. I just hope the prison wardens have made sure there are no shoelaces or razor blades lying around, or she could really do herself some serious damage.
But is all lost?
Well, not necessarily.
Up to now she has kept herself fairly busy replying to fan mail.
And she also wrote an autobiography:
The book was an immediate success and shifted 17,000 copies in the first eight days of sale to put her top of Australia’s best selling books list. Dope head turned best selling author. Quite a turnaround by any standards. And Corby, unsurprisingly, was really chuffed:
"It's great to know so many people are still interested in my plight," she said. "Hopefully, they can see the case against me is full of holes and that I did not get a fair trial. "I hope my book will open people's minds to the truth and help me come home."
But people didn’t buy her book because they think she’s innocent. They were simply curious about any possible romantic developments going on inside the Kerobokan prison. Is French lifer Michaël Blanc having any success in getting to know Corby better? Or what about any of the Bali nine?
And after that came products endorsement:
Well, prison should never be any obstacle to make money should it?
But despite the guys and the money she must still long for her freedom.
So could she be thinking of doing a runner?
Well, why not? After all, it could be possible. Steve McQueen and the lads showed that in one of the greatest film adaptations of a true story ever – the Great Escape.
To dig the tunnel she could get help from the Bali nine lads: And they’d only be too willing to help I reckon – as long as she agrees to give them a few “favours” in return.
As for the sand, there’s one obvious place that could go: down her bra. Let’s face it: it’s huge dimensions would allow her to shift sand from the tunnel to outside at a much faster rate than if she had to put it into her trousers pockets like in the film.
If this doesn’t work she could always go over rather than under, aka Steve McQueen.
But what about getting away from Bali?
No problem. If the businessman who might have got her into this untidy mess in the first place, Ron Bakir, could arrange for a speedboat getaway, she’d be out of Bali before the authorities had any inkling of what was going on.
And even if she does fail to escape, her life is not over.
Cos there’s still time for her to have the babies of one of her fellow inmates. But she’d better get cracking: you know what they say about women over 35 trying to get pregnant.
Poor old Corby.
And all for a drug that has never done any harm to anyone…