In Singapore they have Singlish; a highly bastardised form of English popular among the proletariat but a source of long-term embarrassment for the Britisher-than-British Singapore govt.
But not far across the increasingly effluent-filled Java Sea, here in Indonesia, we have something much, much, better.
But while Singlish generally makes sense to those who understand the language, Bollockish is different. Nope, this is not the language of communication but, rather of discommunication; that is the deliberate attempt to make yourself as clear as a Dutchman on psilocybin mushrooms.
An eloquent speaker of this rapidly growing language is Qory Sandioriva, the Indonesian contestant at this year’s Miss Universe contest, who, when asked what was the best advice she could give to a man, replied:
"I think when you down the women can make you up, and I think the women can be said that "I have advice for you" if you way up, you have to be nice with people, include women, so when you down, women can be nice with you.”
Going down? On a woman? What a devil she is!!!
But while Singlish is strictly used in only informal communications, Bollockish is different. You really can find it everywhere.
It’s used in tourism:
And in the construction business:
At much-loved City Hall: The cultural guarantee (of Jakarta) could personally take the form of the object made by humankind, did not move or move that took the form of unity or the group, or a part-a part or the remnants the rest of them, that be aged at least 500 years.
And even as I noticed on Sunday at a well-known Chinese-run hospital in Jakarta’s suburbs:
NB: Are Indonesians really that bad at English? Well, there’s one interesting report recently published (right click, save as) and it shows the average TOEFL test scores for 2009 globally. Indonesia scores a fairly poor 79, which is still way behind many other countries in Asia. No good lah!!!! Time for improvement!!!