There's no such thing as a free lunch...Or is there?

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It's official. The next president of Indonesia is former army general Prabowo Subianto. Quite how the next five years will pan out is anyone's guess but hopefully the foreign pundits who always bring up his dodgy human rights record will be proven wrong. Nonetheless, on policy making, Prabowo's popularist move to literally offer the poor 'a free lunch' every day of the week does not augur well for the future. Such a policy - if it ever came to fruition - would cost a phenomenal amount of money and likely lead to huge inefficiencies (food waste) and poor incentives (make people lazy). Another concern is Prabowo's strong nationalist bent. Thus, in the possible event that he finds himself with his back against the proverbial wall in the face of stern economic challenges, there is a big chance that he will simply scapegoat foreigners. But he will have to be careful. Construction of the new capital city, Nusantara, for example, is highly dependent on foreign in

365 ways to piss off your bule lover/husband…

1. eat nasi padang using your fingers 

2. piss on the bathroom floor rather than into the toilet closet 

3. Have the aircon on all the bloody time 

4. keep durian in the fridge 

5. drive while texting - no problem lah 

6. invite your sister and her three wild kids over on Saturday evening 

7. leave the lights on all night long in the other rooms (to keep away the ghosts?) 

8. insist that smoking is good for you (or at least better for you than alcohol) - cos that’s what the guy at the local house of worship said and he must be right, naturally, God bless him 

 9. nag him cos the roof leaks (all roofs in Indonesia leak!) 

10. sex in carTell him sex in the kitchen is totally “out of the question” but initiate proceedings while you’re parked roadside at Ancol in a cramped Honda Jazz. 


11. refuse to go swimming during the day – it will turn you “black” 

12. refuse to park a 5 minute walk from the entrance to the mall, and instead spend the next 30 minutes trying to look for a closer parking spot 

13. buy him bright colored business shirts and expect him to wear them 

14. give him tea without milk 

15. insist that he “makes a donation” although he claims it’s another one of those typical bloody RT scams 

16. insist that he can eat his steak with a spoon and fork 

17. Give him a lie-in and wake him up at 5.30am. On a Saturday. 

18. Chuck out the newly bought bloody expensive stilton cos it wiffs a lot and you don’t want a bacterial orgy taking place in your refrigerator thank you very much (note #4 for the hypocrisy of this) 


19. expect him to be “best of mates” with your gay pal at the fitness center who is more camp than, er, David 

 20. walk around the house naked but tell him he’s a weirdo if he does the same thing too. 

 21. tell him Pink Floyd et al. are complete SHIT. 

 22. spray Baygon all over the bloody place to get rid of roaches. 

 23. make him sandwiches using Blue Band margarine 

 24. use the washing machine’s spinner function even though the wet clothes would drip dry under the scorching tropical sun in five minutes flat 

 25. okay, so I’m not up to 365 yet, but you get my drift…

Comments

  1. Ah that all looks like my future..... can't wait

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  2. Man! This is so true that I wonder if we didn't marry the same woman!?

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  3. i don't know whether to feel sorry for you or the indonesian woman who serves as your inspiration. i met a bule guy who didn't hate the idea of eating padang food with hands, he on the contrary loved it!

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  4. Anon - why don't you comment using a pseudonym? Anonymous is so, er, anonymous.

    As for nasi padang, it's just a bit too messy to be eaten with hands in my opinion!

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  5. well, at least not as messy as bakso, haha...

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  6. LOL! A very funny tutorial-based-on-experience, eh?
    just blogwalking, but i can't leave your blog without saying a thing. :D

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  7. All points I can do except #21. Nobody trashes Pink Floyd!

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