It’s difficult to stay on the straight and narrow in Jakarta. Girls are everywhere. From the glitzy shopping malls and offices to the decadent spas and dimly-lit bars, and even, I should add, in the most unlikeliest of places, such as houses of worship, banks and roadside warung.
Rare is the man in Jakarta who can resist such temptations. But while many expats will happily enjoy their forbidden fruits, it rarely occurs to them that their Indonesian girlfriend may also be enjoying herself a little too much.
Some say it’s in their blood while others put it down to youthful exuberance. Too often, though, the expat probably had it coming. If only he had given her more attention…
While this may be worrying to know, it’s important not to panic. Your girlfriend may be a very good liar but there are some obvious tell-tale signs that can reveal her deceptive ways:
1) She doesn’t ask you to bang her 3 times a day anymore. 3 times a week is now enough for her. This is a sure sign her needs are being attended to elsewhere!
2) She says she’s been invited to Bali for the weekend – by her sister.
3) When she comes back from Bali she has a new tattoo - “Agus”. Agus is the name of her sister, she assures you.
4) After she comes home one evening, you get a little frisky with her and discover she’s not wearing any panties. She lost them at the gym she says. The strange thing is she simply hates exercise.
5) There’s a doggy bag in the fridge from a very expensive restaurant in Kemang. You mention this to her and she tells you the food tastes shit and came from the warung around the corner.
6) She asks you what the English expression “cream pie” means.
7) Her Apple handphone is “locked”. Hold on a sec – when did she get that?
8) She comes home one evening looking like she’s just had a shower. She’s just had a shower.
9) And finally the most obvious sign. Before leaving for work, she says "Hey, bule, I’ll be late tonight because I will be screwing a guy from my office. There's leftover rendang in the fridge." Take heed of this warning….