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There is a palpable excitement in the air at the moment and everyone in Jakarta seems to be doing what they can before the holy month of Ramadan gets underway. For the wellish-off that means eating out and visiting insipid shopping malls after work. Cue total gridlock. But why bother? Much better (and cheaper) food can be found in the city’s small streetside restaurants and hastily assembled warung. But that is Jakarta. Nothing seems to make much sense anymore. Like the government’s kneejerk response to a spate of very disturbing child rapes across the archipelago: chemical castration!

But why stop with the rapists? It’s such a great fucking idea the cops should be armed with antiandrogen full syringes to deal promptly with the lunatic motorists as well – and there are many of them I can tell you - who jump the red lights or fail to stop at zebra crossings. Hell, just castrate all criminals. The prisons would be empty in no time and Jokowi, in a rather strange twist of fate, would have won his war on drugs by using drugs. And why not castrate the commies as well? After all, these lowlifes are making a comeback and the cops even arrested a few who crawled out of the woodwork recently. Except they weren’t commies. They were Indonesian Coffee Lovers

Meanwhile, the price of beef is skyrocketing and no one know why even though any economics undergraduate will tell you it’s probably not a good idea to get back at those pesky Aussies by heavily restricting and taxing imports of their beef. Also on the economic front, international ratings agency S&P reaffirmed its rating of Indonesian debt as “junk”, just one notch below “investment grade” with nothing apparently in between the two ratings such as “not too bad” or “half-frigging decent”.

Over in Bali, all is not well either: there were large-scale protests involving tens of thousands of people opposing a ludicrously out-of-character land reclamation project at Benoa Bay. Unfortunately for the protestors, though, the project’s owner – a certain TW - has close connections with all the sorts of nefarious characters who could help get the green light for a project like this. Especially as he has reportedly already forked out up to Rp1 trillion for the project – for purposes “unknown”.

Finally, former Indonesian dictator Suharto has been shortlisted by a government committee as a possible candidate for national hero. If this happens, he will join the esteemed company of other former Indonesian presidents who have already been named national heroes, including rather ironically Sukarno, the man who Suharto ousted, and who had contentiously supported leftism through his nasakom (nationalism, religion, communism) doctrine. Well, it’s all swings and roundabouts to me. And time for a bintang - which if you look at the label also has a bloody red star on it! Communism everywhere! Arggggg!







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Why the country is used as a gigantic rubbish tip?

Why many Indonesians believe that in the west sex is “free” – in the sense that you could just approach some random stranger of the opposite sex and ask them for a quicky and they would promptly agree?

Why proper pavements aren’t made which people could actually walk on and not risk death or serious injury?

Why there are zebra crossings at all considering it is suicide to use one as cars don’t stop?

Why ONLY dangdut is played at street weddings?

Why the busway lane is full of motorcycles every day and the uniformed chap standing there does NOTHING to prevent this?

Why foreign doctors are not allowed to practice in the country given the poor level of health care which means rich Indonesians (mostly politicians and businesspeople) do a runner and get treated abroad, significantly draining the country’s forex reserves?

Why foreign universities aren’t allowed to set up here to reduce the need for parents to send their kids overseas to gain a (very expensive) education which (as in the previous point) drains Indonesia’s forex reserves?

Why the Indonesian school curriculum/system is so unbelievably shoddy - when they could easily adopt the Cambridge syllabus and exams – as Singapore has done?

Why gojek is considered “good” but uber “bad”? Because one has two wheels and the other has four?

Why bigotry towards LBGT people raises its ugly head from time to time even though over 10 million gays live in the country and – so far at least – they have not tried to bring the country to its knees? Even during the authoritarian Suharto era, things weren’t as bad as they are now and a transexual named Dorce was a popular TV presenter, who, to her credit, ran “a number of orphanages that cared for thousands of children.”

Why the traffic madness in front of Semanggi is allowed to continue given that it is entirely preventable?

Why microlet always seem to be either empty or just waiting by the side of the road – and there are so many of them?

Why every other car is a fucking Avanza?

Why Jasa Marga cannot operate efficient toll road booths (by using real electronic ticketing) to prevent kilometer-long queues of cars trying to get onto the inner city toll road every evening?