A lot has been said – and written – about the dating scene in Jakarta, but what is your real pulling power in such a crowded and capricious market?
Are YOU a prize catch?
Or the sort of guy who couldn’t even score in a Chinatown massage parlour?
Well, now you can find out with this meticulously crafted survey that is carefully designed to provide an accurate assessment of both the quality AND quantity of the women you can be expected to attract in Asia’s most unplanned and chaotic city.
Right. So here we go. And please - answer the questions honestly okay?
1. Are you more than 5′9″ but less than 6′4″?
2. Do you find it easy to make Indonesia girls laugh by doing silly little impersonations that would get you ridiculed back in your own country?
3. Do you have a nice car?
4. Are you good-looking?
(Self-assessment is somewhat unreliable, so if you are uncertain of your looks post your pic on hotornot and wait a week for your score. Or get opinions from unbiased and blunt friends. Hashing out the biometric details of what makes a male face attractive would require another lengthy post, so for now these two methods are acceptable substitutes.)
5. Can you bench press more than half your bodyweight?
6. Do you have a good job with high social status?
(Since I won’t list every single high status job in the Department of Manpower’s Occupational Handbook, you’ll have to make a judgment call on your own job. It’s a safe assumption that most Indonesian girls know an expat with a high status job when they see one.)
High status: doctor, lawyer, stockbroker, most kinds of executives/professionals, professor, business owner, successful artist or musician or writer, professional athlete, engineer, army general, politician
Low status: becak/ojek/bajaj driver, street food vender, garbage collector, scavenger, labourer, etc
7. Do you have more than five close friends or more than 250 friends on Facebook?
8. You go to one of the better clubs in Jakarta. Across the room are a fat girl, an average looking girl and an absolute scorcher talking amongst themselves. Do you make the decision to approach the absolute scorcher even though you know you are statistically much more likely to score with the average looking girl and almost guaranteed success with the fat one?
9. Do you get at least one girl’s phone number after visiting one of the well-know pick-up malls in Jakarta (Blok M Pasaraya, Mall Ciputra, Atrium, Mall Taman Anggrek, Plaza Indonesia, Pondok Indah Mall, Gajah Mada Plaza etc).
10. Do you always “pay your way” and more – sometimes buying her memorable gifts?
The scoring is done as follows: 1 point for each question answered “yes”.
9-10: Super Alpha Male. Booty sticks to you like bird crap on a car roof.
7-8: You’re scoring like Wayne Rooney and girls forgive your occasional pickup blunders.
5-6: More like Michael Owen: attractive girls in the bar will be intrigued by your presence; but you still have to work hard to get the ball between the posts.
3-4: Classic beta. Sometimes you pull, sometimes you don’t. Make more effort or you’ll spend too much time in sports bars.
2: Lesser beta. You can just about get away with it in dark and gloomy nightclubs – but that’s about it.
0-1: You actively repulse girls and would even be rejected in Mangga Dua on a slow day…