Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Wow! We can criticize our Indonesian actresses all we like, but we cannot say they are not dedicated. Take Tamara Blezinsky for example. The producers of the new horror film Air Terjun Pengantin wanted her to have dark skin, so she went sunbathing every day in the scorching hot sun in the month before shooting! And her skin went really dark. So well done Tamara! Chocolate? Doesn’t it taste great! Getting ready it seems… Hmm, what’s going to come next I wonder? Oh my God! What is she doing?!!!!!!!

10. Climb a volcano . Indonesia is part of the Pacific "Ring of Fire" and there are at least 129 volcanoes across the country – many of which could potentially erupt in the future. I’ve been up a fair number of them – “bagged” them as it’s apparently called. Plan the ascent to arrive at the summit at dawn and, if you’re lucky, you’ll be treated to a breathtaking sunrise – amongst, inevitably it seems, a sea of pop noodle packaging. Still my fave volcano must be Mount Bromo in East Java – not cos it’s a sinch to climb – but because of the ethereal, unforgettable spectacle it affords (the caldera around the volcano is so vast that when you walk up to the crater it really feels as if you are on the moon or something).  9. Play the stock /forex market . The volatility and irrationality on Indonesia’s capital markets (misguided optimism during the good times, excessive pessimism during the darker moments) offer rich pickings for level-headed investors and, in particular, “distre...

Yet another Indonesia WTF moment. And this time on the net. What are these girls employed as? - “Guest relations” officers - Tour guides - Personal financial advisors - Therapists - Security consultants Well, I’d have put my house on “guest relations” officers myself, but I’d be wrong. Cos these girls are, in fact, therapists . So if you fancy a difficult afternoon with one of these girls - who will undoubtedly do her utmost to delve deeply into the furthermost recesses of your mind - then you might like to pay a visit to one of the spas owned by the Comfort Group . But why the hell they have 65 therapists on their payroll is way beyond me! Services offered include both traditional and Shiatsu Massage, refleksi (foot massage), a hot and cold water pool, sauna and steam room and a mini bar and lounge. So why not finish your tiring day with a happy ending?!!!   Also see: The 10 best plus plus spas in Jakarta Contact details for the spas managed by the Comfort Group, undoubtedly ...

Gazza: Kill your son.  Jones: Why?  Gazza: To show that you love me more than your son.  Jones: But I do love you. You know that.  Gazza: Well prove it then. Kill your son.  Jones: But killing’s wrong.  Gazza: Watch it – I’m the one that gets to make the rules around here.  Jones: Can’t I kill my wife instead?  I love her more than my son, honest Gazza: Nope. Your son.  Jones: But if everyone was willing to kill someone to prove their love, they’d be an awful lot of dead people around here, wouldn’t there?  Gazza: Sure would.  Jones: Do I really have to kill him?  Gazza: Yes you do.  Jones: Oh, alright then. Gazza: Actually, no you don’t! Just kidding! Gazza and Jones share an intimate moment

Life's a piece of shit,  When you look at it,  Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.  You'll see it's all a show,  Keep 'em laughing as you go... > Monty Python   20. Try a local brew . Indonesians are bigger boozers than most westerners give them (dis)credit for. But be careful if you want to join the party – some of the local brews here are so strong they make Tenants Extra look like lucozade. Indonesian hooch includes arrack, tuak & brem, but by far the strongest local brew I’ve come across is Cap Tikus (Rat Brand). Being a lot like motor fuel, Cap Tikus could be used to run your car and probably explains why there are so many blind people in Manado (where this terrible poison is produced). 19. Ride a Harley Davidson motorcycle in Java . There’s something about the guttural roar of a Harley Davidson engine that just makes my hairs stand on end. Sure you don’t get the high performance of the lightweight Japanese bikes – but you DO get g...

How to get more hits on your blog? I’m certainly not going to make this blog into yet another one of those SEO blogs, but here’s my two cents worth on the matter anyway – with tongue firmly in cheek! 1. Write a blog post called “How to get more hits on your blog?” so that people searching for the phrase “How to get more hits on your blog?” will come to your blog. 2. Offer ridiculously cool prices like laptops, Ipods, ebook readers and snazzy digital cameras to readers through regular competitions (just don’t let the wife know why you are broke!) 3. If you are an attractive women then be sure to camwhore and write lurid accounts of your wanton sex life on your blog and make it clear to readers you are looking for action. If you are not an attractive women – or even a woman at all - pretend to be anyway! 4. Spend 10 hours a day creating backlinks (as if there’s better things to be doing with your life like going out, doing sports, dating etc!) 5. Make up lots of scandalous lies about cel...

John Peel was known for his eclectic tastes in music and won a loyal following among disaffected youths across England during the upheavals of the Thatcher era. But quite what he’d make of this trio of sexy Indonesian DJs is anyone’s guess! 1) DJ Devina . As her name suggests, this divine creature is worthy of dedicated and regular worship. And I’m sure you agree: 2) DJ Milinka . This leggy wonder babe stays in shape by playing with big red balls. But who’s to say her novel approach to fitness hasn’t paid off? 3) DJ Alice Sophie Norin . Alice Sophie Norin has won widespread acclaim for her good taste in clothes among other things. Who is Indonesia's sexiest DJ? DJ Devina DJ Milinka DJ Alice Sophie Norin Free polls from Pollhost.com

Synopsis : the film opens "a few years from now" in a dystopian Indonesian future where land is scarce and law and order has completely broken down. A gang of motorcycle thugs – led by power hungry Dr. Weasel Wakrie - is running roughshod over a country town near Surabaya , vandalizing property, stealing fuel and violating the chastity of the local women. What a bloody great film eh? And that bit when The Toadie loses all his fingers after trying to catch the feral kid’s boomerang? Simply unforgettable! Yep, the new Mud Max film about the mud volcano in East Java is a real cracker, so make sure you check out the trailer now!

REMARKS BY PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA AND INDONESIAN PRESIDENT SUSILO BAMBANG YUDHOYONO AFTER THEIR RECENT BILATERAL MEETING IN SINGAPORE (AS RELEASED BY THE WHITE HOUSE) Well that’s the gist of it anyway :)

I’ve been fortunate enough to get my grubby hands on a 2010 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records.  And boy has the book changed since I was a kid!  Not just the obvious lack of the legendary Guinness logo – obviously falling foul of these politically “correct” times – but also its shift to being an illustrated product with lots of fancy pics from what I would call a text-oriented reference book of lore.  Anyway, while browsing through the book I noticed there were only two or three references to Indonesia - not many when you consider Indonesia is the world’s fourth most populous country.  So with a bit of help from Google and from what I already know I’ve tried to put together a list of Indonesian world records.  I guess this will be a sort of work in progress and I’ll keep adding to it as new stuff comes to light. Any suggestions, would, of course, be appreciated!  1. Loudest sound ever recorded . The eruption of Krakatau volcano in 1883 was so hu...

I’ve been told that the Balinese haven’t taken steps in the past to eradicate dirty stray dogs from their island because they need a constant reminder that they are still on dreary Planet Earth rather than in paradise. But be that as it may, I’m sure they are now harboring some pretty serious regrets about not wiping out the canine menace now that rabies is spreading like wildfire and threatening to harm the island’s only real industry – tourism. So, so far, what’s the damage? Well, at least 17 dead and possibly more (cases tend to be underreported for obvious reasons): Age / Date of death / Place of residence 6 / 10 Oct 2009 / Tabanan 49 / 7 Oct 2009 / Tabanan 78 / 16 Sep 2009 / Tabanan 47 / 14 Sep 2009 / Tabanan 24 / 6 Sep 2009 / Tabanan 21 / 6 Sep 2009 / Tabanan 62 / 22 Aug 2009 / Tabanan (age also stated as 55) 46 / 26 Mar 2009 / Ungasan peninsula 46 / 23 Mar 2009 / Uluwatu 45 / 30 Jan 2009 / Ruken 32 / no date / Bukit 3 / no date / Kutuh 28 / 23 Nov 2008 / Ungasan 3 / no date / U...

Find a magazine with a picture of Michael Jackson in it. Cut out the picture using a pair of scissors. Now the creative part: scan it into a PC and then mess around with the colors a bit using Photoshop. And hey presto: you have a masterpiece worth $812,500! A "Thriller"-era silk-screened portrait of Michael Jackson created by Andy Warhol has sold for $812,500 to an anonymous collector. The 1984 portrait depicts a smiling Jackson in a jacket with squiggles of red and yellow in his hair. I’ve done a similar thing with the singer Beyonce: Now the original isn’t for sale. But I am offering prints at just US$100 (payment via Paypal)! And I reckon this is a good offer. Cos it’s a lot cheaper than Warhol’s Michael Jackson – whose value, let’s face it, won’t hold up in the long term. I mean, sure Warhol is still famous today, but who is going to care about his pop art in say another 50 years? Or what about in 100 years? US$812,500 for Jacko pop art? I’d rather eat a banana...

The good die young. How often have you heard that been said? Marilyn Monroe (36), Lady Di (36), Kurt Cobain (27), Alda Risma (24), and now, the beautiful but largely unknown model Setianti Dwi Retno (or to her friends Tia), who has been found dead at Apartemen Mediterania tower H floor 25 HE, believed murdered. According to television reports she had been hit on the back of the head with some sort of blunt object. This caused her death. There is no information about what she was doing in the apartment – or who she was with – but in most cases like this the murderer is almost always known by the victim. A crime of passion? Well, we will have to wait and see. Tia’s photo from her Friendster account

Indonesia’s transition to a democratic state must go down as one of the greatest achievements made by any country in recent years. Because unlike the overthrow of despotic regimes in countries like South Africa and in the communist nations of Eastern Europe, no one really expected Indonesia to pull it off.  But there lies the rap – Indonesia basically became a democratic nation by accident rather than because its people hold the values of democracy so close to heart (or at least any more than the Thais do, for instance).   What caused this accident was the Asian financial crisis, of course, and it came along at exactly the right time to end the despotic rule of Javanese patriarch Suharto. Any later and one of his kids - or perhaps a well-trusted crony – would have been at the helm and you can be sure they would have been a hell of a lot less willing to give up their presidential power than Suharto was.   I bet the Thais are now looking on in envy. Poor blighte...

And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime. > Pink Floyd 30. Visit Schapelle Corby or another foreigner in an Indonesian prison . If you want to be reminded just how wonderful it is to be free then visit one of the many foreigners currently locked up in an Indonesian penitentiary and you will leave the prison gates a more content man than an alcoholic in an off-license on pay day.  Most foreigners end up in the slammer for drugs offences and those incarcerated at “Bali Hilton” (Kerobokan prison) include such fuckwits as the Bali 9, French dude Michaël Blanc (who still pleads his innocence) and the once extremely fit but now very haggard Schapelle Corby .  There are fewer foreign prisoners in the capital Jakarta - most of whom are locked up in the infamous Cipinang penitentiary in East Jakarta – but quite a few drug smuggling lunatics in Tangerang jails awai...

Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know You realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round… > The Flaming Lips Life is short and there is no point in pissing it away so I thought I’d make a list of things you should do in Indonesia before you die. It would of course be a lot easier to compile a list of things you wanted to do, but that would be cheating. All the things on this list I’ve compiled from experience. Ok, so here’s the first part of the list: 40. Watch a football match . Forget the premiershits and take in some “real” football instead. The league games in Indonesia are unpredictable, farcical and often extremely violent – the soldiers aren’t there just to enjoy the game – so leave your personal possessions at home. The national stadium at Senayan is hugely impressive and I ...

Once reserved for sailors, premen and the occasional hook-er, tattoos are now getting much more popular in Indonesia. And even *good* girls are getting them done. Usually they are on either the upper shoulder or lower back. Butterflies, flowers, and suns are popular designs. But few girls go as far as the leggy Indonesian model Fahrani. At first sight there don’t seem to be too many: But just look at her left arm! And as for her back, well, she doesn’t mess around does she! Despite the allures of Fahrani, don’t bother watching the film Perjaka Terakhir (The Last Virgin) – it’s utter crap and even less interesting than having to watch old footage from one of those Suharto “speeches” he made at some elementary school back in the 1990s... YAWN!

On a recent flight to Bali and I was looking through the in-flight magazine in the casual way that you do and I come across a page with some “interesting” numbers on it. But one number stood out in particular though, and that was the one suggesting that Indonesia’s independence was only recognized in 1959 rather than in 1949. A rather embarrassing mistake to say the least - and this from an Indonesian airline which – along with three others – has been given approval to fly to Europe. Let’s just hope they are better mathematicians when it comes to the engineering for the servicing of the planes!

Axe. Spray it on and the chicks will be over you like flies on a freshly laid dog turd. Yep folks, this is marketing that works and it does so because most guys will do anything to increase their chances of getting laid – especially if it only costs them a few bucks. So don’t delay: head off to your local drugstore for a can of the fabled body spray now. And who knows – you might get lucky right? No wonder more guys in Indonesia are wearing Axe.

Today is the day in which bonfires are lit across the UK to celebrate the failed attempt of a bunch of embittered Catholics to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605 (now over 400 years ago!) I always liked this day as a kid as it gave me an excuse to make a bonfire in the garden – something I would not usually be able to do otherwise. The key to making a good bonfire is to only use dry woods and materials and to make sure no plastic items or damp things make it into the fire. Start with small twigs to get it going, and place large logs on the fire center once it has really got going. If you’re American you might like to “cook” marshmallows on the bonfire, but if you have a more curious side to your personality you may be tempted to chuck things onto the fire like aerosol cans to see what happens. Those of you who reckon you are hard may wish to walk on the smoldering embers of the fire once it is out. And Hindus may wish to cremate someone. But for those who believe that carbon diox...

Despite being in the early stages of pregnancy (father unknown), some recent pictures reportedly taken at the Pondok Bambu prison for drug offenders seem to show that Sheila Marcia is doing her best to keep fit: Wow! Those early morning exercises are certainly helping to ease the worries of this expectant mum!