1. eat nasi padang using your fingers
2. piss on the bathroom floor rather than into the toilet closet
3. Have the aircon on all the bloody time
4. keep durian in the fridge
5. drive while texting - no problem lah
6. invite your sister and her three wild kids over on Saturday evening
7. leave the lights on all night long in the other rooms (to keep away the ghosts?)
8. insist that smoking is good for you (or at least better for you than alcohol) - cos that’s what the guy at the local house of worship said and he must be right, naturally, God bless him
9. nag him cos the roof leaks (all roofs in Indonesia leak!)
10. Tell him sex in the kitchen is totally “out of the question” but initiate proceedings while you’re parked roadside at Ancol in a cramped Honda Jazz.
11. refuse to go swimming during the day – it will turn you “black”
12. refuse to park a 5 minute walk from the entrance to the mall, and instead spend the next 30 minutes trying to look for a closer parking spot
13. buy him bright colored business shirts and expect him to wear them
14. give him tea without milk
15. insist that he “makes a donation” although he claims it’s another one of those typical bloody RT scams
16. insist that he can eat his steak with a spoon and fork
17. Give him a lie-in and wake him up at 5.30am. On a Saturday.
18. chuck out the newly bought bloody expensive stilton cos it wiffs a lot and you don’t want a bacterial orgy taking place in your refrigerator thank you very much (note #4 for the hypocrisy of this)
19. expect him to be “best of mates” with your gay pal at the fitness center who is more camp than, er, David
20. walk around the house naked but tell him he’s a weirdo if he does the same thing too.
21. tell him Pink Floyd et al. are complete SHIT.
22. spray Baygon all over the bloody place to get rid of roaches.
23. make him sandwiches using Blue Band margarine
24. use the washing machine’s spinner function even though the wet clothes would drip dry under the scorching tropical sun in five minutes flat
25. okay, so I’m not up to 365 yet, but you get my drift…