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Nice 'n' sleazy
Nice 'n' sleazy does it
Does it every time.
~ The Stranglers

Never let a woman walk all over you.

Although every rule has its exception of course…


Orchardz Jayakarta Hotel and Spa

Welcome to Orchardz, where ersatz treatments, nay therapy, heel the body (if she’s wearing shoes) and sooth the mind.

Besides walking all over you, the therapists - as they are so endearingly called - are also extremely proficient in the almost-vanished art-form of soapy massage: the girl massages you with her body as opposed to her hands.

More esoteric offerings include the pricey "butterfly" package and the cryptically named ice smoothie (!!!), or you can simply ask for a “normal” massage – although whatever passes for “normal” in madcap Jakarta is anyone’s guess of course – and see how it goes from there.

The only real drawback is the spa’s location: it’s a real bitch to find and the traffic in this area can be a nightmare. At night, it’s very unappealing outside and there are a distinct lack of orchards but lots of skuzzy workshops and garages instead.

Prices for a massage are very competitive. All in, you may only have to pay around Rp500k to 600k or so. Money well spent, as an apple a day keeps the doctor away, right?

Orchardz Hotel Jayakarta
Jalan Pangeran Jayakarta 44
Mangga Dua 10730
+62 21 6287888
orchardzhotel.com





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