Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Looks can be deceiving. At first glance, this brightly-colored building looks like it’s been lifted out of legoland - and the sort of place you could drag the kids to over the weekend. But, boy oh boy, you couldn’t be more wrong!  Because while fun and games are definitely encouraged, the small little LEGO plastic bricks are nowhere to be seen - however hard you look. Instead there are two floors of unfettered fun: the third floor where standard massage services are offered and the second floor where rather more comprehensive services can be enjoyed in either standard or premium packages. West Jakarta? Here we come! FM1 Boutique Hotel Jl Letjen S Parman Kav 8 Tomang Grogol Telo (021) 563 3333 Prices? Total damage for a really good time should be less than Rp1 million – pretty reasonable by Jakarta standards although not the cheapest in the city by a long shot.

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In one of my favorite books, the cult classic “Fooled by Randomness”, an unforgiving deconstruction of financial markets’ forecasting, Nassim Nicholas Taleb relates an interesting little anecdote concerning an inexperienced and naive philosopher asked to observe the setting of the sun over a period of time. This particular exercise goes on for much longer than expected – about 2 years - and when asked what he can deduce from his 500+ observations of the setting sun (some sunsets were unseen, obscured by clouds), the young philosopher states that since he never once failed to see the sun set, it could be rationally concluded that the sun would continue to set in the sky for the rest of eternity, in saecula saeculorum .  But informed by his teacher that he had given the wrong answer, the young philosopher was not discouraged - even though he was told to observe the setting of the sun for another 2 years.   This time, after experiencing a mind blowing epiphany of the gloriou...

Vicky Shu (24) has got both feet firmly on the ground and is taking great strides to repackage herself after coming close – but not close enough – to what would have been a sensational victory in the 2007 Miss Indonesia beauty pageant. It may have taken four years, but she has finally managed to kick start her flagging fortunes by releasing her debut album “Drink Me”. “Drink Me”. I’m sure there are many that want to do that, Vicky. Her music is throwaway pop, as disposable as a Fiesta condom (but far less memorable), and as original as a blockbuster DVD sold in Kota. The first song on the album, for example, is “Mari Bercinta 2” (“Let’s Make Love 2”), a reference to the song “Mari Bercinta” (“Let’s Make Love”) by Aura Kasih , a phenomenally curvaceous starlet who also hails from the Sumatran province of Lampung. So they BOTH want to make love? And at the same time? But not to each other one would assume (although that’s an interesting thought ain’t it?!!) Nope. Not a great start to Vic...

I’m in search of a coffee boost and I’m on Jalan Sabang . I rub my eyes. But there is something very wrong: all the little roadside stalls - known here as kaki lima (meaning “five legs) - have gone! Disappeared.  And nope they haven’t been dumped in the Java sea like the becak were in the 70s. And it ain’t Lebaran either – the holiday period after Ramadan when many of the city’s residents make their yearly pilgrimage back to their hometowns to spread the word that Jakarta’s pavements are not only NOT paved with gold but that - in many places - they are barely paved at all!  Nope, cos what’s happened is that many of the kaki lima have been relocated to a special area. But this suits me fine. As you can now actually walk along the pavements on Jalan Sabang without either having your way blocked or your shirt sleeves singed off by accidentally getting too close to a sate vendor’s inconsiderately placed street side barbeque. Anyway, Kopotiam Oey is soon located and in we go. In...

(The road to) hell is paved with good intentions. ~Samuel Johnson Yes, it may have started with the cute and adorable Japanese A/V starlets ( Miyabi , Sola Aoi etc). But it ain’t gonna end there. Because there will always be the need to chart unchartered waters – to push back the boundaries if you like – and to try something NEW. Just like getting the veteran US pawn star Vicky Vette onboard – an impossibly buxom American legend who, at age 46, is sure to titillate Indonesian audiences with her hammy acting and barely-there clothing. But this is where Pacar Hantu Perawan (*) excels – it goes the further mile by employing not just one but TWO foreign talents to forge a remarkably unique threesum with Indonesia’s very own Dewi Persik , a proud and defiant born again virgin (see previous post). So who is the other foreign talent in this movie? Well, none other than the simply stunning Misa Campo! Make no doubt about it, this Misa Campo is class. Sheer class. So who exactly is she? Well,...

Holy crap! What is that? There’s one thing you can say about this place – you’re never gonna mistake it for somewhere else!!! Well certainly not another hotel. But the preposterously large edifice of this modern day sleaze den – my picture doesn’t do it justice – does bare a striking similarity to Kota’s wonderful old art deco railway station . And like the old railway station, Hotel Travel is also a place where you will be taken on a journey to some far away land - although the summit (or climax?) - will probably be reached in less time than it takes for you to get on the old train from Jakarta to Bogor! Cited as “possibly the most sordid and disreputable venue in the whole of Jakarta” (and that takes some doing I can tell you!), the hotel’s “great value for money” and “exceptional quality of service” keeps the punters coming back for more. How whorrific (sic) some might say. Even if that’s the main attraction! Hahaha! Travel Hotel Jakarta Jalan Mangga Besar VIII, ...

Wisma Bahari Indah hotel is an affordable and clean hotel in Tanjung Bira. It has 8 large rooms which all have aircon and flat screen TVs. The hotel is owned by a great guy called Pak Arifin (telp: 0853 4156 5555), Bira’s tourist policeman, and he will help you to organize boat trips, motorcycle rental etc. Highly recommended.

Things really have taken a surreal and bizarre twist with Indonesian sex symbol Dewi Persik claiming she is now a born again virgin after undergoing the necessary surgical procedure in Egypt. According to Dewi, the desire to become a born again virgin is related to her new film, Pacar Hantu Perawan , but more cynical observers will regard her claims to virginity as a mere publicity stunt, especially since she sought advice on the procedure from her American co-star in the film – the outrageously buxom Pawn Star Vicky Vette. Vicky Vette, virgin not by a long shot! But regardless of whether Depe really has become a born again virgin or not, someone should warn her that virginity is a lot like one of those gas filled balloons you see being sold on the streets of Jakarta. One prick and its gone!  BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many virgins can YOU count?

Set back from the main street in the grounds of the police headquarters in Blok M, this statue is not very noticeable. That’s a bit of a shame really as the statue, although certainly less impressive than many others in Jakarta, does have an interesting history. The statue depicts Gajah Mada, the Elephant General, who was around a long while back (1290 – 1364). As was the fashion of the day, the general is barely clothed, looks pretty fierce and is very muscular. He’d definitely feel at home at Kuta Beach, Bali , if he was around today! As a powerful military leader and mahapatih or prime minister of the Majapahit Empire, Gajah Mada was responsible for Indonesia’s colonizing efforts which encompassed not only modern day Indonesia but also extended to Tumasik (the old name for Singapore) as well as Malaysia, Brunei and the southern Philippines. This is slightly ironic when you think about it, as parts of the Gajah Mada empire were later to be colonised by the Dutch. The stat...

In a completely sane world, madness is the only freedom!  >J.G. Ballard   Nothing better encapsulates the American Dream than a sleek automobile cruising on an open highway. But here in Jakarta things have gone pretty much pear shaped, and instead of any such eye-pleasing image what we get is a dystopian nightmare unfolding in front of our very own eyes as the traffic monster grows exponentially before it finally runs out of space to grow and, then, looking inward, surely devours itself (I’d give it another 2 or 3 years at most before Jakarta is total gridlock).  The breakdown of any semblance of order on the roads is already well into the advanced stage – and even those charged with enforcing what passes as “the law” seem to have given up the ghost (vehicles swarming the bus lanes, virtually all traffic regulations being violated, dangerously unroadworthy vehicles etc etc)  It was 7.00am at the Pancoran intersection and whilst waiting for the lights to tu...

East Java hottie Astrid Ellena (20) has been crowned as Miss Indonesia 2011 and will represent Indonesia in the 2011 Miss World pageant to be held in London (in a bikini or not, we’ll just have to wait and see). But the Universitas Pelita Harapan student is still a bit green - when asked by the judges what a woman's most important role in life was she replied: “A woman must prioritize integrity and self respect. Becoming a mother is the most beautiful thing because the next generation is born from her womb.” Ain’t she ever heard of test tube babies?!!!

Black magic operates most effectively in preconscious, marginal areas. Casual curses are the most effective.” >William S. Burroughs So it’s finally out. Pelet Pelet Kuntilanak. The new Indonesian horror flick featuring the simply delectable Debby Ayu - a creature of such sublime charm that her onscreen antics are sure to make more than just your hairs stand on end! In the film Debby plays a young lass named Pamela who decides to resort to pelet , a type of Javanese black magic which is used to make a woman irresistible to men. But to attain these powers of seduction, Debby must make a pact with Setan. So she agrees, and gets to have her devilish way with the guys that she wants – mostly university students at her campus. But like all good things in life there is a price to be paid. Because not long after Debby has had her way with a guy, he dies a sadistic and gruesome death. Oh well. Let’s just hope it was worth it! Debby Ayu, a real charmer Pelet Kuntilanak stars (sic): Debby Ayu ...