Ways to bump off your Indonesian girlfriend (part one)

One day you’re walking around town with a sexy-looking chick on one arm and drawing envious glances from all around you. And the next day you’re facing up to the fact that you’ll be spending the next 15 years in an overcrowded and filthy little prison cell.

Poor Ferry Surya Perkasa must be thinking his life has turned into a nightmare.

It has of course, but he only has himself to blame. He didn’t have to kill her. Sure the lovely Alda Risma was messing around a bit but what did he expect? After all, second-rate singers who agree to sex/drugs sessions in hotels are probably not going to be the most faithful of partners.

But love is a strange thing of course, and under its spell people do the craziest things. Even murder. Nonetheless, Ferry could have exercised better judgment in my opinion. So what are the alternatives to drugging someone? Here are some of them:

1. Poisoning. Highly effective of course, with the major advantage being that the victim will not die at the scene of the crime. Arsenic the poison of choice in Indonesia – RIP Munir - although the Russians are a bit more adventurous and like to demonstrate their scientific prowess with radioactive isotopes.

2. Death made to look like an accident. Ever wondered why so many Indonesian maids fall to their deaths while putting out the washing in Singapore? Well, could it be that they are being pushed? I reckon so. After all, if the “sexy little dragon ladies” (term © UMNO) are seducing their male masters in Malaysia would it not be so surprising if similar debauched goings on were taking place in Singapore? And if the little tyke threatens to blab? Well, then there’s only one thing for it, isn’t there? Push!!!

3. Assassination. Perfected by the Americans over the years, but employed in other counties as well, most notably by the rich and famous to get rid of troublesome people. However, not a great method to use if there is something to link you to the victim. Perhaps someone should have told Tommy S. that before he ordered the murder of a Supreme Court judge while standing trial in a corruption case.

4. DIY public slaying. No messing around – just take ‘em out in public yourself, as the son of Ibnu Sutowo did when he blew the brains out of a obnoxious bartender in the Jakarta Hilton Hotel (the bartender had the effrontery to request payment of the bill not knowing of course that he was talking to the son of the person who actually owned the hotel!). Great method if you have the political clout – you can look forward to a very early release – but otherwise a surefire way to a lengthy prison sentence.

And once you’ve killed ‘em? Well, you could always skin ‘em and serve ‘em up on a plate for dinner. More on that


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