The Sidoarjo mudflow miracle

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of mud...
Always look on the right side of mud...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of mud...
Always look on the bright side of mud...

~By you-know-who

One of the biggest tourist attractions in East Java is a huge lake of toxic mud.

It covers hundreds of hectares, and is still expanding by an astonishing 3.5 million cubic feet a day, even SIX years after the mud started flowing on May 29, 2006 as a result of a botched attempt by drilling firm Lapindo Brantas to drill for gas.

The fiasco reminds me of that kid’s story in the Magic Porridge Pot when the porridge keeps on flowing until it engulfs a whole town (the mudflow disaster in East Java submerged at least 12 villages, displacing over 30,000 people).

The magic porridge pot stopped cooking porridge when the little girl told it to. But it’s going to take more than mere words to stop the mudflow in East Java. And some geologists say the mudflow might go on for many more years to come; after all, there’s a hell of a lot of mud 2.6 kms below the surface of the Earth.

But, according to the politicians, the negative aspects of the mudspill are far overdone:

"It is necessary to explore the utilization of the mud for positive purposes," said one.

First of all, as proposed by Energy and Mineral Resources Minister Jero Wacik, the toxic mud can be used for the production of bricks and other types of construction materials.

Toxic homes Sidoarjo
Just what I’ve always wanted: a toxic home!

And chill down the mud a bit and what have you got?

Well, something with the same color and consistency of chocolate Indomilk (one of the richest and sweetest drinks I have ever had in my life).
 Market it as IndoSludge or something.

And in the political arena, President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono wants a few truckloads of the stuff for mudslinging purposes in the campaigning period ahead of the 2014 elections – with opposition figures such as Megawati Sukarnoputri the main target.

However, the main benefits of this environmental miracle are in its potential for boosting tourism.

The mud lake could be used for recreational purposes such as boating, windsurfing and jet skiing for example.

And there are also the therapeutic benefits of mud...


Mud wrestling

And moves are reportedly afoot to turn the disaster area into the world’s largest venue for mud wrestling after the World Association of Lesbian Mud Wrestlers approached the relevant authorities to seek permission to hold its annual contest at the site.

Mud wrestling
Dirty women will surely attract huge crowds in East Java

So let’s thank God for this mudflow miracle.

Now where can we drill next? Noooooo!!!!!!


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