On midgets and golddiggers

The excellent British film “In Bruges” - which features a weird dream sequence - got me thinking about the plight of our undersized brothers – midgets.

It’s difficult not to empathize with these poor blighters. They are always looked down on and - whatever their moral standards - are still the lowest of the low. And there’s fuck all they can do about it. Sure they could walk around on stilts, but then they’d just be exchanging the affliction of being short for the affliction of being incredibly ungainly. In short (!), they would be no better off. No wonder we all feel so sorry for them. And God only knows how they piss in a public cubicle!

It should be appreciated that midgets are not the same as dwarfs. This is because midgets, although extremely short, are normally proportioned. Dwarfs, on the other hand, have unusually short limbs. Strange then that “dwarf” is the politically correct term rather than “midget”. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Whatever.

Unfortunately for midgets, they have limited job opportunities. Not many companies are interested in them- political correctness has only taken us so far. Some midgets work in freak shows although the stronger ones often work as midget wrestlers. They even have their own website.

Luckier ones make it into film where some become rich and famous like Verne Troyer who played the role of Mini Me in two Austin Powers films (The Spy who Shagged me, Goldmember).



Verne Troyer is, of course, famous for his huge sexual appetite and his success in bedding beautiful women (as shown by his leaked sex tape with former girlfriend Ranae Shrider) even though he can barely reach up to their kneecaps, let alone their shoulders! His latest targets, according to the Daily Star, are Lucy Pinder and Michelle Heaton (he will get his chance in the new Channel 4 series “Celeb Big Brother”).

Sexy Michelle Heaton is next on Verne’s list

But as a pint-sized sex-machine is Verne Troyer capable of satisfying these long legged babes?

Well, that’s where the latest research conducted by Newcastle University makes soothing reading for midgets; well at least rich ones like Verne Troyer. Because according to the researchers, the richer a woman’s partner, the more orgasms she has.

Newcastle University psychologist Dr Thomas Pollet said to the Times Online that “Women’s orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner.”

Dr Pollet believes that the results suggest, from an evolutionary psychology perspective, that women have strong genetic programming to be gold diggers that drives them to select mates based on their perceived quality.

So like Abba once sung:

Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich mans world
Aha-ahaaa!!!!!!

And never mind if you are a midget!