Stiff neck syndrome hits Indonesia!

Bizarre medical conditions. So strange you’d think someone was pulling your leg (or perhaps hacking off theirs). Yep, that’s called Body Integrity Identity Disorder and it ain’t very nice. 

Then there’s Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (that must be hard to come to terms with!), music-induced seizures, Fatal Familiar Insomnia and even – would you believe it – a condition affecting people who are unable to open their eyes! 

But the bizarre medical condition which is sweeping Indonesia at the current time is slightly different. Stiff neck syndrome. And here’s a sufferer from Jakarta being examined:

So what’s causing the problems? Well, at first the doctors were completely perplexed. But after collating data from a large number of cases, they were soon able to ascertain some interesting facts: Many of the affected were either office workers or university students! Further investigation finally pinpointed the cause of the problem:

Yep, that’s right, Indonesians have been spending too much time watching the leaked Indonesian sex videos that seemingly feature two very prominent female celebrities, a guy called Peter Porn, and a little mouse called Jerry. 

But not everyone is impressed and the Minister for the Empowerment of Women, Linda Amalia Sari Gumelar, said that she simply “couldn’t bear to watch” the two celebrities being bedded by Indonesia’s new Don Juan. 

Being an ostensibly conservative society where “good people don’t have sex”, Indonesia’s moral brigade are in uproar of course and calling for the culprits to be punished severely under Indonesia’s highly contentious IT and anti-porn laws (I actually wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted Peter Porn hung by the b**** - although I admit he should certainly have his head examined for wanting to record his sordid trysts on his handphone in the first place). 

But what the moralists need to remember is that Peter Porn is a GUY. And guys are hard wired to be the alpha male and get all the women they can. That’s not a choice but biological engineering (thanks God). 

I mean even former president Sukarno was a noted lady-charmer, gaining acclaim for bedding a beautiful Japanese nightclub hostess who also became his wife (Dewi Sukarno). 

I’m not saying that we should condone what Peter Porn got up to (or down to as the case may be), but to simply admit that with the same temptations and opportunities that somebody like Peter Porn has, a lot of us guys might do something similar.

But please. Leave the handphone at home!!! Hahaha!