The Indonesian communist quiz

Every country has its bugbears. For the English it’s the daleks. These extraterrestrial creatures are enclosed inside mechanical casing and are so terrifying that “hiding behind the sofa while the daleks threaten to exterminate their enemies” has become a ritual for many schoolchildren growing up in England.

Indonesia doesn’t have daleks but it does have an equally terrifying foe – the communists – who, like the daleks, are hell bent on “universal conquest and domination, utterly without pity, compassion or remorse”.

The fear of communism is so great in Indonesia that a huge march has been organized in Jakarta (by who I wonder?) to warn against this filth.

So be warned. The red menace is still around - even if you can’t actually see it. But how red are YOU? Well, take the following quiz to determine if you need to sign up for some “political re-education”. Before it’s too late!

1. What sort of market in Jakarta would you rather shop at?
a) A traditional “wet market”
b) Carrefour
c) Markets are for capitalists stupid! You shop at the only state store in Jakarta (Sarinah) – but have a tough time feeding yourself on a diet of handicrafts and clothes.

2. Which of the following can the Papuans NOT be considered to be:
a) A nation
b) A nation of a new type
c) Happy
d) A super-exploited sector of the working class
e) Please send me more information about this controversial group

3. Which of the following is NOT an appropriate policy response to easing the congestion on Jakarta’s roads?
a) force the small time capitalist vendors and food sellers who take up road space to close down by arresting them and sending them to reeducation camps
b) Force the peasants to bike to work while allocating the bus lanes for the exclusive use of cars belonging to cardholding party members
c) Scrap electricity subsidies as they “distort the market”

4. What statue in Jakarta should be torn down?
a) The communist inspired Farmer’s Statue
b) The communist inspired Pizza Man Statue
c) The statue of a young “Yankee Bastard” in Indonesian school uniform

5. What’s your favorite tipple?
a) Mansion House Gin
b) Mister’s Whiskey
c) Smirnoff

6. Who do you want to win the 2018 World Cup?
a) Brazil
b) Spain
c) North Korea

7. Why do the Madurese carry around sickles?
a) to cut the rice
b) to use on someone in an act of revenge
c) because they are secretly preparing for the upcoming revolution and want to be ready when it comes

8. What do you smoke?
a) Gudang Garam filters
b) Djarum 234 non-filters
c) authentic commie smokes (Cuban Montecrisco cigars at US$315 a box)

9. Which of the following statements about American footwear producer Nike is TRUE?
a) Nike like to set up companies in communist countries like China and Vietnam because wages are low and trade union power is weak
b) Nike factories in Indonesia pay higher wages than locally owned factories and should not be closed down or taken over by the state.
c) You are a hip commie and very happy with the Rp799,000 Nike sports shoes you purchased at Sports Station recently.

10. Which of the following does NOT pose a threat to the Indonesian revolutionary struggle in the present epoch?
a) The IMF, World Bank and other neo-liberal financial organizations
b) The religious right
c) The great Kim Jong II
d) Twitter

KEY: If you answered mostly (c) you could be a “Red Menace”. Get help now!

 May Day rally of PKI supporters in 1965
Here today, gone tomorrow: May Day rally of PKI supporters in 1965


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