Blok M: the boulevard of sordid love

Located in the vicinity of the busy shopping district of Blok M are a motley collection of small bars, nightclubs and discothèques that are well frequented by Jakarta’s whoremongering expat community. They can be found on the infamous Pelatehan Road, which some wisecracks call Fellatio Road (would you know how to pronounce it?), just behind the huge bus terminal.

If truth be told, this area is really a bit of a shit hole. Rubbish and broken glass litter the streets that are roamed by destitute beggars, shoe-shine kids, greasy pimps, roving minstrels and not the occasional preman (Jakarta street thug). Little street scenes take place sporadically, and you may get to see a fistfight, a hooker arguing loudly with her customer, and, if you are really unlucky, a drunk throwing up on the sidewalk.

If it’s ladies you are looking for, the best bar of the bunch is probably D's Place, a stylish little meat market which has proved so popular with the local girls that one foreign visitor went so far as to describe the upstairs section as “wall-to-wall p***y”.

Although most of the girls are young, quite a few are actually mothers – you may come across her stomach scar a little later on! – and, while most of the patrons may not know it, a fair number of these girls are still married (it’s not cheap to run a household these days, you know…).


You would be very lucky to come across a girl as attractive as this in Blok M

Many of the girls are also “village girls”, coming from places such as Indramayu in West Java, a more barren and nondescript wasteland you could not imagine (unless, of course, you live on the moon). Yet unfazed by their new surroundings, these girls make the transition from village serenity to urban excess with remarkable aplomb, quickly discarding their peasant clothes and rattan farmer’s hat for a far more sexy outfit, completing their new look with a couple of lurid tattoos and the ubiquitous handphone (probably an Iphone).

If you are dipping your toes into the sordid waters of Blok M for the first time, the venerable, as opposed to venereal, Top Gun must be top of the list. The brainchild of Darryl Patton, the legendary “Godfather” of Expat Bars in Jakarta, Top Gun is as popular now as it was back in the 1980s when it first opened, presumably taking its name from the famous Tom Cruise film of that era (as opposed to a really good shooter like a Colt 45). With around 73 girls for every beer swilling expat – okay, that may be an exaggeration – the odds are clearly stacked in your favor. There is, of course, a sting in the tale, but that lesson has to be learnt in the real world and not written about on a blog.

The other bars on the Blok tend not to last too long, although Everest, Oscars, and My Bar have been around for some time.

The imaginatively named G String is just but one of a number of bars to live on only in the memories of its former patrons.

A special mention should also be given to the legendary Sportsmans, which, as you may have guessed, specializes in live broadcasts of sporting events. After all, you can’t spend your whole life chasing women can you?!!!