This is incredible.

Eight women dressed in burkas have been nabbed at Jakarta Sukarno Hatta airport for trying to bring in £7.5m worth of drugs into the country!

The group of drug smugglers were found with 27kg of crystal methamphetamine at Indonesia’s Soekarno-Hatta airport.

They also had 23 litres of the drug in liquid form, said customs chief Anwar Suprijadi

The drugs, wrapped in plastic food containers and cleaning fluid bottles, were packed into hand luggage. But the oddly-shaped packages were picked out by officers operating scanners.

By wearing conservative Islamic clothing the women tried to 'fool officers in a country like Indonesia, where women in black veils are generally considered to be good women', the customs chief explained.

Source: the Daily Mail

You can cover your faces but you can’t pull the wool over our eyes

Looks like the decadent ways of the West are having an even greater impact on Bali than I thought.



Such a shame!

Approaching the famous Sarinah shopping center in the heart of Jakarta, and it’s another WTF moment –

- the Golden Arches are gone!


Hurrah!!!!!!

But hold on a sec – what’s replaced the world’s greatest purveyor of cardboard foods?


Toni Jack's?!!!!!!

And as to why the Sarinah McDonalds outlet was replaced by an Indonesian-themed hamburger joint, it’s all because the Americans burnt their bridges by selling their shares in their Indonesian chain to Teh Sosro behind the back of their Indonesian partner, Bambang N. Rachmadi, which, apparently, really pissed him off. Full story here.

Yet another MOOving story in the Jakarta Post:


And if you look closely at the top left of the pic you can see that the JP has even decided to create a new “Bestiality” Section!

Wow!

But is there really enough of this sort of stuff going on to justify the creation of a Bestiality section for the esteemed Jakarta rag?

Well, if Google News is anything to go by, there certainly is!

I’d like to "valet park" them into a new life.
> Elizabeth Gilbert in writing about a destitute family in India

You live in New York, your life is crap and you’ve just gone through a divorce.

But never mind. You’ve stacks of cash, so you buy plane tickets to a few countries that you’ve always wanted to visit.

Your final port of call is Bali and you have so much sex there with an exotic Brazilian that you get a bladder infection (certainly enough to take your mind of the depressing divorce).

To get cured you visit a medicine woman who gives you a foul-smelling concoction of roots, leaves, berries, turmeric and – just for good measure - a “shaggy mass of something that looks like witches’ hair”.

And then it’s back to the States, a completely revitalized women...

And that, in a nutshell, is the synopsis of the film (based on the best selling autobiographical book 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert) that Julie Roberts is now filming in Bali.

Crikes – I would have rather had Japanese AV star Miyabi come over to Bali!

If the average Balinese dude wants to make some decent money he doesn’t have many options open to him.

Driving a cab certainly isn’t going to make him rich (see my previous post) and neither is working in a hotel or in a restaurant. And as for rice farming, well, when was the last time you saw a rice farmer driving a Merc?

So what’s he to do?

Well aside from entering the world’s oldest profession and pursuing wanton middle aged women on the famous Kuta beach there isn’t much he can do.

Except perhaps for one thing.

Paint.

Oct. 13 2009 (Bloomberg) -- A weekend of sales in Singapore showed that demand for Indonesian contemporary art has rebounded, with prices for some better-known artists such as I Nyoman Masriadi returning to pre-slump levels.

Borobudur Auction Pte’s Oct. 11 auction tallied S$9.6 million ($6.9 million), compared with the company’s presale estimate of about S$8 million. Masriadi’s 2008 painting “Book Lover” sold for S$588,000, against a top estimate of S$200,000.

One of the paintings sold at the auction was “the Garden at Sanur” by Jean Le Mayeur (1880-1958):


As you can see, it’s a rather bright and colorful affair and like a lot of Balinese art features a topless woman (in this particular case the artist’s Balinese wife, Ni Pollock). Nowadays of course people just take naughty photos of their wife/girlfriend and post them up on to the net for everyone to see - so I suppose you could say that Jean was very much ahead of his time.

Besides the Borobudur auction, Bloomberg also reports that another Indonesian painting - Masriadi’s “Bima Mencukur Bapak Arjuna” (“Bima Shaving Arjuna’s Hair”) - was sold for the incredible sum of S$436,600 in a different auction two days earlier.

Hmmm.

Now where did I put my camera?

Bali may be Paradise Island for foreign tourists but admission to paradise is subject to large incomes and a lot of the Balinese are not admitted. This is not to say that tourism doesn’t generate wealth in Bali – it does – just that there are many Balinese who don’t benefit.

“Oh it’s so terrible,” said the pony-tailed new-aged hippy as he tucked into his organic vegetables in one of the nice little restaurants in Ubud.

“So many beggars have held our their hands to me and I’ve ignored most of them and now feel terrible. But my £1 can be worth ten or even twenty times their currency – will I still go to heaven if I give it away?”

Nice sentiments but it doesn’t really work like that. At least not most of the time.

I was reminded of this when I had to get from Bali’s Ngurah Rai airport to the port of Padangbai so I could take a ferry across to Lombok.

The problem of course is that it’s not easy to give away money without generating problems that make the process of giving money away self defeating.

So the unlicensed taxi cabs at the airport get more money from the generous tourists who are willing to pay more. But are the cab drivers any richer? Well, no they are not.

And that is because the more generous the tourists are, the more Balinese there are willing to work as unlicensed taxi cab drivers.

The guy who took us to Padangbai said that there had been so many taxis in line that day he hadn’t had a passenger in over four hours.

But, conversely of course, if the foreign tourists were less generous then they’d be less unlicensed taxi cabs and the cab drivers that still operated would get more passengers.

It’s the same thing when it comes to giving away money (like at Ramadan when some rich people think they can clear their consciences (of what I might ask?) by dishing out banknotes to society’s downtrodden.

Because the more they give away, the more incentive there is for people to stop working and instead queue for the benefits.

So the money is lost from the economy as the poor choose not to work, instead spending their time in a queue awaiting a handout (assuming they are able to stand in line that long of course, with some – particular the old – dropping like flies from exhaustion and the heat).

Yep, it’s a cruel thing market economics. And there’s no way you can cheat it (just ask the Russians).

Incidentally, the unlicensed cab driver who took us to Padangbai drove a bit too fast and wiped out a stray dog on the way. Next time I think I’m gonna take a licensed cab instead!

PIZZAeBIRRA have got an oktoberfest coming up, but rather than enlist the services of some busty German beer-maiden lookalikes to promote the event, they’ve only gone and chosen a picture of the old führer instead!


WTF!

Now I know it’s “only” 60 odd years since WW2 ended, but you’d still think that the Indonesians would find something just a little more pleasant to associate with Germany than one of the most evil human beings to have ever lived, wouldn’t you?

But apparently not.

Now while this is all incredibly insane, it’s actually nothing compared to the infamous urban legend that Hitler escaped to Indonesia at the end of the war to live – in all places – on the island of Sumbawa!

The idea that Hitler escaped to Sumbawa was ridiculed by many of course, but an interesting finding last week that the skull found in the bunker where Hitler was assumed to have committed suicide was NOT his but instead belonged to a younger woman gives some credence to the claim that he managed to escape.

But while there is just the slightest of possibilities that Hitler did make it to Sumbawa, there can be pretty much no doubt that he is now dead (else he’d be the ripe old age of 120!).

So good riddance Hitler.

And I really hope I won’t have to see a picture of his ugly mutt again.

But hold on a sec – maybe I’ve spoken too soon…

…cos what the hell are those posters on the roadside over there?!!!!!!!

God it’s getting worse.

Not only has the Obama administration banned the sale of Indonesian clove cigarettes in the US but they’ve also decided to snub Indonesia in the US President’s upcoming Asian visit!

WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama's first Asian trip as president will include Japan, Singapore, China and South Korea, but NOT Indonesia, where he spent four years of his life.

Obama and his mother moved from Hawaii to Jakarta, Indonesia, when he was 6 years old. They left to return to the United States when he was 10.

It’s not made clear why Obama has lost his love for his childhood home but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s worried about taking some stick from the Indonesians over Uncle Sam’s absurd decision to outlaw clove cigarettes.

Oh well Obama. You’ll just have to wait until you can try your bakso meatballs again - which ironically with all the borax packed into ‘em are probably a damn sight more dangerous than puffing on a kretek!

If you’ve been working in Indonesia a while - or perhaps only a few days - you’ve probably entertained thoughts of dating a local woman. And why not indeed?! But before plunging headfirst into the dating game, it’s important to do your homework and identify the kind of woman you’d like to date:

The career woman.

They say you should never mix business and pleasure, but there’s no sense in passing up any good opportunities whilst on the job. But be careful and never date a fellow employee as that could well be a recipe for disaster if things don’t turn out well and she decides to exact revenge - as is more than likely. Pros: these girls are independent, well-mannered and educated. Cons: they love their careers so much they may have very little time for you. And if you don’t meet up to her lofty expectations in the long run, she certainly won’t have any qualms about dumping you for a more successful partner!

The university student.

Borderline jailbait, don’t even think about going down this perilous path unless you have a huge appetite for risk. Pros: obvious. Cons: education ain’t free.

The tomboy.

Defiantly smokes Sampoerna A cigs in public, the tomboy is easily spotted in her sexy tank tops and with her short, dyed hair. Works out regularly at a gym like Fitness First or Gold's Gym, she takes good care of her well-toned body. Tends to have lots of gays as friends. Pros: in an ostensibly conservative society where good girls shut the @$#@ up, the tomboy is a treasured find. Cons: With a raging temper, be prepared to let her have her own way - else get into some terrific fights!

Little Miss Religiosity.

Despite her name she has a remarkable fondness for worldly things like ipods, touch screen handphones and the latest fashions. Pros: reliable, (relatively) trustworthy and a good cook. Cons: Well there’s that of course, and the fact that you will have to demonstrate your knowledge in all things non-secular.

The aspiring model.

These waif-like creatures have less flesh on their bones than a 15-year old anorexic and are worse conversationalists than a statue at an ancient Javanese temple. Like ghosts they appear in the upmarket nightclubs of Jakarta late at night. Pros: nods of approval from strangers. Cons: Disappointing in bed and extremely high maintenance, these girls are best avoided unless you can find a high performance model with a bit more “oomf”.

The socialite.

The crème de la crème of Indonesian society, this exclusive club mainly comprises the children of Indonesia’s ultra-rich families – and a few others who are actively seeking to be seriously seriously wealthy. Pros: her daddy owns a good chunk of Indonesia. Cons: unless you are one of those people who check their stock prices each day to see how your company is faring, you can probably forget it.

The upwardly mobile villager.

No one ever told them that the streets of Jakarta were paved in gold but failed harvests and soul destroying poverty are reasons enough to flee places like Indramayu. Unfazed by their new surroundings, these girls make the transition from village serenity to urban excess with remarkable aplomb, working in entertainment venues across the capital city. Easily identifiable by their bold and lurid tattoos. Pros: easy going, humorous. Cons: watch your stuff.

Indonesians like to have a fag. And who can blame them? When I once suggested to a spluttering chain-smoking bajaj driver that he’d probably feel a lot better if he gave up, he curtly told me that smoking was one of the few pleasures in his life (sex must have been one of the others, I assume, as he had to support a wife and 7 kids on his meager income).



And Indonesians don’t mess about with wimpy low tar “mild” cigarettes either. For this is the land of high tar kretek cigarettes. A blend of tobacco, dried cloves and a special sauce, these fags are loved by Indonesians for their characteristically sweet taste.

But they are also killing them. And in huge numbers. According to one estimate, Indonesia has 53,175,006 smokers, or more than any other country except the US, China and India. Of this number, half will eventually die from smoking related diseases – or an incredible 27 million smokers! Thank God Indonesia has a large population.

But unlike in Indonesia, many Western countries are trying hard to clamp down on smoking.

And in America they’ve gone the whole hog and completely banned kretek cigarettes.

According to the new US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) act which came into effect on 1 October 2009:

a cigarette or any of its component parts (including the tobacco, filter, or paper) shall NOT contain, as a constituent (including a smoke constituent) or additive, an artificial or natural flavor (other than tobacco or menthol) or an herb or spice, including strawberry, grape, orange, CLOVE, cinnamon, pineapple, vanilla, coconut, licorice, cocoa, chocolate, cherry, or coffee, that is a characterizing flavor of the tobacco product or tobacco smoke.

But is this really fair?

Well I don’t think so.

Yeah smoking is stupid but the bottom line is that people should be allowed to make personal choices – even if they are not good for them.

And why only ban kretek cigarettes? After all, if the US really wanted to be consistent and fair then shouldn’t it ban ALL types of cigarettes?

But we all know why that isn’t gonna happen of course. After all, would you expect US politicians to make things tough for a company like Phillip Morris after they had received $3.9 million in bribes lobbying money in the second quarter of 2009 alone?

And the hypocrisy doesn’t end there of course.

Cos US cig giants have been expanding aggressively in Asia in recent years, and a few years back America’s Phillip Morris took over giant clove cigarette producer HM Sampoerna in a deal worth around US$5 billion.

Yeah it’s one rule for one and one for the other. But you don’t need me to tell you that. Just look at the two cigarette packs below and decide which one comes from Indonesia and which one comes from America! Easy ain’t it?!



Yes lives do matter. But only in certain countries.