Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

The Americans have Charlie's Angels. But we have Ratu Kostmopolitan – three beautiful girls, who use their unique fighting skills to battle against a bunch of thugs who are trying to get the three girls to leave their boarding house. Expert cook Gina ( Luna Maya ) uses pots and pans as her weapons, while aerobics instructor Tari (Tyas Mirasih) contorts her admirably elastic body to great effect. The other girl – tattoo artist Zizi (Imey Liem) - doesn’t stab the thugs with needles (as you might expect) but instead makes use of her black magic prowess (don't laugh: this is Java, remember). Nope, Ratu Kostmopolitan doesn’t seek to challenge you in the same way as say, the latest Shrek film does, but instead delights in its own mediocrity, putting the charms of the talented actresses above all else… Luna Maya and Tyas Mirasih both have exceptional talents

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life. Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives. I'll move to Paris, shoot some h***** and f*** with the stars. You man the island and the elegant cars. >Time to Pretend by MGMT  All cities have their rhythms and a mastery of these predictable patterns is essential to a reasonably hassle free life. Good timing is everything. And Jakarta is no exception. So whenever I need to travel the clogged arteries of this sick and unhealthy city, I try – if at all possible – to do so during Friday lunchtimes when the traffic suddenly disappears from the roads in a similar way that the Red Sea opened up a passage on the order of the great Prophet Moses.  I find myself at my chosen destination – the Jakarta Stock Exchange building in no time at all (if I had traveled at any other time, it could have taken up to an hour). It’s not possible to simply walk into the front entrance anymore (th...

A fashion photographer once commented that Arumi Bachsin was "one of the most beautiful models he’d ever met". And many would agree with him. But now she’s on the run! According to reports, the young beauty finally decided to pack her bags and do a runner as she couldn’t stand being “exploited” by her parents any longer. But where has she gone? Well, initially it was believed that she had gone to stay with some of her naked friends who starred with her in the infamous sexploitation film 18 plus plus. Arumi and friends enjoying the good times But this doesn’t seem to be the case and Arumi’s friends said they hadn’t seen her. But where else could she possibly go? Well, she certainly would need money – meaning she would also need a job. But what sort of job can she do if she doesn’t like acting anymore? Well, we looked far and wide and still couldn’t find her! But then someone said they had spotted her at Tanah Abang. Working as a preman and parking cars! No, we didn’t believe t...

Jesus, don't cry You can rely on me, honey You can combine anything you want I'll be around You were right about the stars Each one is a setting sun  > Jesus etc by Wilco   During the weekends in Jakarta, the disciples of Indonesia’s newest religion head to the shopping malls to pay homage to the Great God of Consumerism. Prayers are not necessary but the faithful are expected to sacrifice their hard-earned incomes on things they don’t need (if that ain’t devotion to the cause I don’t know what is!).  Converts come from across the social spectrum but as in all religions blasphemers are not tolerated - so never attend a service without a wad of cash in your pocket (although ATM and credit cards will also do).   The new places of worship are built on a scale to impress – as befitting a great religion – and are being erected at such a phenomenal pace that there are now estimated to be one shopping mall for every 18 Jakarta residents (not counting the poor, ...

Ever wanted to know what it’s like to be in the middle of a full-scale riot? >> my story is here Note: the Jakarta 13 May 1998 riots were hardly spontaneous and judging from what I saw - and also from the accounts of people I know – they were undoubtedly “orchestrated” by “certain elements” who were way beyond the reach of the “law”.  The scary thing is not just that the ringmasters of the rape, pillage and murder got off scott-free - but also that they are still actively involved in Indonesian politics to this very day.  Justice. What justice?

Men don’t like shopping, so you’ve got to give them a good reason to spend their hard earnt money. One way to do this is to give them the opportunity to exchange a few words with a sweet and sexy girl. Welcome to the world of the sales promotion girl (SPG). Some of the best SPG work for cigarette companies. One of them is Nimas, a creature of such heavenly beauty that she could be mistaken for an angel. SPG Djarum Super: Nimas89 Nimas is smoking hot, I’m sure you’ll agree. And no wonder she has 1,764 friends on Friendster!

Oh ev'ry night and every day A little piece of you is falling away But lift your face the Western Way Build your muscles as your body decays… ~Freddy Mercury Like many expats living in Jakarta I go to a gym. There aren’t many other options for sport in this crazy city. Sure you can go cycling or running or something, but half an hour panting and puffing outside in central Jakarta is probably the equivalent to smoking half a pack of Marlboros because of the terrible pollution. You’d actually be doing more harm to yourself than good! Not only that but it’s bloody hot. An air-conditioned gym is a far better bet. Okay, so I arrive at the gym early-evening as usual, only this time there are a couple of SPG (sales promotion girls) by the entrance who, for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on, grab my immediate attention. A lot of companies in Indonesia make use of sales promotion girls. They sell things as varied as laptops, cigarettes, TVs and other electronics, and of course cars. O...

Having trouble with the Indonesian language and lost for words when you see that smoking hot Indonesian girl in the mall or bar? Here are some top pick-up lines to try. Good luck! 1) Kamu dari Surga? (Kenapa?) Kerna kamu cantik seperti bidadari. Are you from heaven? (why?) Because you're as beautiful as an angel. 2) *dia jalan menuju pintu keluar* Tunggu! Ada sesuatu yang kamu lupa! (Apa?) Aku! *she walks towards the exit* Wait! There is something you have forgetten! (what?) Me! 3. Hi, saya baru pindah ke Jakarta dan belum punya nomor telephone. (Lalu?) Boleh pinjam nomor telephone anda? Hi, I've just moved to Jakarta and don't have a telephone number yet. (so?) Can I borrow your number? 4. Kamu manis sekali. Dan saya suka gula. You're very sweet. And I like sugar. 5. Kamu mau minum apa? What would you like to drink? 6. Hi, kaki saya besar. Hi, my feet are very large. 7. Kamu pasti suka makanan pedas, ya? (kok tau?). Kerna kamu HOT! ...

Remember, remember always, that all of us, and you and I especially, are descended from immigrants and revolutionists. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt Immigrant is, in a word, respectable. But then again, you’d expect it to be; after all, this thematic nightclub/bar/restaurant is located within the confines of Plaza Indonesia, a plush yet rather characterless mall in the center of Jakarta. The venue is decked out as a vintage New York warehouse, resplendent with classic brickwork, monstrous industrial fans, and overhead ducts and piping. As for the people who come here, they are the upmarket crowd, the so-called beautiful people of Jakarta, a mollycoddled and spoilt bunch, the very opposite, ironically, of the gritty immigrants who made their way to America at the turn of the 20th century. “A gathering place that cuts across cultures and cliques”, claims the marketing spiel. Well perhaps not. But then again you might meet a business executive from Singapore or perhaps Hong Kong. But ...

Love is a gamble, Sex is a game, Boys do the thing Girls get the blame, 1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain 1 day in hospital and a kid needs a name. About as original as a DVD from Glodok, Akibat Pergaulan Bebas is supposedly an “educational” film to warn of the dangers of what Indonesians call “Free Sex” (they mean Casual Sex, because as any Player will tell you, there is no such thing as truly Free Sex). The film features three kindred spirits. Kanya, Dinda dan Zizi. Kanya is from a broken home and quickly strays from the straight and narrow to become a Call Girl. Dinda quickly follows her into this lucrative “profession”. As for Zizi? Well, she becomes a concubine to a married man. But for the most part, the three girls seem to be pretty happy. They have fun, travel and have lots of cash. And therein lies the problem. Being a pelacur does pay! Hardly the message the film wants to convey! Who better to warn Indonesia’s youth of the perils of casual sex than the voluptuous Uli Auli...

I’ve written about this before so I won’t bother to go to the effort again. Especially as it’s Saturday and the day of rest… Labor Day in Jakarta