Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Personal beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of reference. >Aristotle Hell’s Bells. The extremely lush Asmirandah has landed a job as a mathematics lecturer, aged just 20! Or at least that’s the role she’s got in the new film Dalam Mihrab Cinta . Her classes are really popular of course - and it’s not only the kids who are queuing up to get into her classes. So are their dads! 'We're going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right', says sexy teacher Asmirandah to her naughty students (all 75 of them and their dads)… Oh no! Someone’s tied up the teacher!

Mo Bar is an upmarket hotel bar located in the refurbished Mandarin Oriental. It’s all very sleek and sophisticated and has drink prices to match. Nearby are the housing tenements at Kebon Kacang . Even so, it’s not often that members of the proletariat manage to worm their way in to this exclusive joint. “Music, cocktails and all the right people” is the message on its website. Yeah it’s quite clear who’s welcome – and who is not. Yet irony has worked its unpredictable ways yet again and the bar’s ideal of attracting the “right sort of people” has backfired somewhat. This is because the bar is generally fairly quiet except during its legendary ladies nights (Tuesdays), occasions when large numbers of both wanton women and male predators are drawn in equal measure! MO Bar Mandarin Oriental Hotel Jalan MH Thamrin Jakarta Telp: (021) 2993 8888 Email: mojkt-dine@mohg.com

Hello darlings. So dissappointed [sic] to miss all my fans in Indonesia. I promise to come back soon. I love you all! Love Paris xoxo. That was the tweet that crushed the hopes of the many Paris Hilton fans in Jakarta who hoped to get a glimpse of, or even possibly grope (This is Indonesia), the world famous pop tart at the planned opening of the Paris Hilton store in Grand Indonesia: And what a shame Paris hasn’t come to Jakarta! Because now we’ll never know who the American starlet would have gotten off with during her planned stay in the Big Durian! But Paris is said to like women as much as men: Paris plays tonsil tennis with fellow celebrated vixon, Lindsay Lohan. So I reckon I know who Paris would have wanted to bed in Jakarta. But don’t worry, Julia – you’ll get your chance. There will be a next time okay!!! Hahaha!

I’ve never believed that religious people have better morals or ethics than non-religious people and my experiences in Indonesia only serve to confirm this feeling.  Now, I’m not saying that religious people are bad. Or even that religion doesn’t make some people do good. But overall, when we look at the larger picture, there really doesn’t seem to be any evidence to believe that people somehow become more moral or ethical just because they fear some sort of omniscient entity (who may or may not be imaginary, anyway).  I was reminded of this when we recently made a visit to the Besakih Temple in Bali.  Now, I’d heard bad things about Besakih Temple and what a tourist trap it was, but I really didn’t expect it to be THIS BAD. After all, how is it possible that a visit to the most sacred and holiest of temples in Bali could be one of the most unpleasant and unspiritual of experiences you could have on the Island of the Gods?  (second only to a night on the razz in Kut...

Jakarta - There has been a significant increase in dengue activity throughout the Greater Jakarta area this year, with a particularly large number of cases reported in the Central Jakarta districts of Kemayoran (461 cases), Joharbaru (230 cases), and Senen (181 cases). And one of the victims is the beautiful actress and model Rachel Maryam: “Kemarin sampai Jakarta itu sudah terasa enggak enak badan, sudah dari hari Sabtu. Perasaan demam tinggi, radang tenggorokan,” kata Rachel di RS MMC, Jakarta, Rabu (22/9/2010). Although rarely fatal, Dengue Fever is not a nice disease to get. Its main symptoms are headache, fever, exhaustion, and severe muscle pain. The best ways to avoid getting Dengue Fever are by covering up and not showing too much skin. And if you sit in your room by the window, make sure it’s closed. Otherwise the mosquitoes will get into the room and bite you! Mosquitoes like to bite sweet, tender skin – so make sure you cover up in the evening!

One of the first places I stayed in Jakarta - for any length of time - was Kebon Kacang (Peanut Plantation!), an extremely densely populated area around the back of the plush Plaza Indonesia shopping mall. The low rise tenements had been constructed to house the proletariat rabble evicted from the slum areas along Jalan Thamrin, but ironically many of these poor people couldn’t afford the rents and given the anonymity of the tenements, quite a few of the units that were not housing families were actually rented by opportunist businessman to secretly house their young concubines (sometimes I would visit them while their benefactors were away).  All in all, Kebon Kacang was a cool place to live: you could pretty much do what you liked, it was safe and noone ever gave you any shit. And it was so cheap you could save some money too – and even have enough dosh left over to take on that concubine for yourself if you so wished.  Another advantage of living in Kebon Kacang is its lo...

There aren’t many gadgets that are truly useful but this little beauty is one of them: the FiiO E7 USB DAC and Portable Headphone Amplifier. The size of a packet of cigarettes, just put it on your desk, connect it to your PC via the USB cable, plug in a pair of quality headphones and enjoy the music. The difference between plugging your headphones into the headphone socket in your computer and using this device is astonishing – the difference between eating at McDonalds or a gourmet restaurant. What it does Converts the digital file on your computer into an analogue signal and then amplifies it. The sound The sound is detailed, neutral, and balanced. No harshness. Instruments are separated well and the bass is solid and punchy. However, the old hifi adage of “garbage in, garbage out” still applies of course, so don’t feed this device compressed and crappy MP3 files but use uncompressed FLAC files instead. It really is worth it! Specifications - USB receiver, 48kHz 16-bi...

Not that they ever intended it to be a mosque of course: the building was actually constructed to be the offices of N.V. De Bouwploeg, the Dutch real estate developer tasked with building homes in the exclusive neighborhood of Menteng in the 1920s and 1930s. Thankfully, this fine old building seems to be reasonably well maintained - at least in comparison to the criminally neglected buildings in Kota, which are literally crumbling into the ground for lack of any clear development policy by the Jakarta administration. And here’s what the building looked like all those years ago .

Only a short while ago, the Justice and Human Rights Minister Patrialis Akbar said that western women should avoid going to the market in Indonesia “wearing only a bra”. “Our country holds high moral values and wearing revealing clothes insults women’s dignity,” he said as quoted by detik.com. Quite. But what is appropriate for the foreign goose is not necessarily appropriate for the local gander as this buxom quintet of ladies in the new film Pengantin Pantai Biru show to devastating effect!

Agnes Monica is the Blackberry brand ambassador for the mobile communications company TRI. So imagine my surprise to see that she is also promoting the Blueberry Phone - a “shameless” Blackberry knock off from China!!! But like everything in life you get what you pay for: The mike does not work on my Blueberry phone ( I am able to hear persons however they are not able to hear me) also I am able to receive text messages however I am unable to send even though my message centre # is correct. Makes you wonder why Agnes is promoting such rubbish, really! Silly girl!

It would be nice to report on having uneventful Ramadan holidays, but the truth is that while millions risked life and limb in a treacherous journey back to their hometowns, I was abducted by Aliens and fortunate to make it back alive. Freaky time on the mothership mind you – could have sworn that one of the green buggers said his name was ET – although he didn’t look very alien to me – looked more Chinese – or was it that he said his name was Eddy Tansil? Shit. I can’t really remember. But who cares? People come and go, don’t they? The aliens also told me they operate out of their base in Sumatra . This gives them easy access to whom they say are the “chosen ones” – i.e. the orang utans at Bukit Lawang. These hairy creatures are the future of the universe the aliens said – and all remaining 15,000 of them will be progressively transported from Planet Earth to Omega 1 (Nebula XX1) over the next five years or so in a series of UFO shuttle runs. But while the aliens are on Planet Earth,...

Magnolia, you sweet thing You're driving me mad ~ Magnolia by J.J. Cale For all-out debauchery nothing can beat Mangga Besar. But there are times when a long and exhausting journey in Jakarta’s soul-crushing traffic jam is simply not an option. Time is of the essence and you need a better deal: something close at hand. In such cases, options in the expat-confines of South Jakarta are extremely limited but one establishment that might fit the bill is the increasingly popular Mangolia Spa located in one of Jakarta's plushest suburbs: Pondok Indah! Home to a good number of the city’s millionaires (multi billionaires, actually), Pondok Indah is to Mangga Besar what Richmond upon Thames is to Peckham – and not the sort of place where you would expect to find a plus plus spa. So what’s it like? Well not too bad. Prices are certainly in the mid to upper range and, if it’s value for money that you are looking for, this is not the place for you. The therapists do try to please but a...

If you are in need of an adrenaline rush whilst on holiday in Bali and don’t mind putting your life on the line – literally in this case – then head to Tanjung Benoa, a small strip of land near the plush Nusa Dua tourism complex in the south of the island. Here you can partake in a number of exhilarating water sports including jet skis, banana boats and rubber tube racing, as well as parasailing. In many regards, though, these activities aren’t really “sports” in any true meaning of the word – it’s more just a case of hanging on for dear life as you are dragged or driven across the sea at high speeds. Perhaps the most dangerous of the water sports is the flying fish. The inflatable in which you sit is dragged at such a high speed by the speed boat that it literally lifts out of the water. Not one for your granny perhaps – unless she really happens to be getting on your nerves! Hahaha! Practical tip – don’t buy tickets in advance from the touts in Kuta/Legian etc. These tickets are o...

IMAX is the word’s most advanced format for motion pictures. Until recently, in Jakarta, IMAX films could only be seen at the Keong Emas movie theatre at the Suharto inspired Taman Mini Indonesia complex in the outer reaches of East Jakarta. The films shown at Keong Emas are educational films, however, and not Hollywood blockbusters. What makes IMAX special is the super high quality and resolution of the images compared to conventional film systems. IMAX 3D movies have astonishing depth. The 3D effect is created by projecting two films simultaneously on the screen. To view the film, viewers must wear special glasses with polarizing filters. Even during very long films, the glasses are very comfortable. In Jakarta, there are currently only TWO cinemas which show films in the IMAX format. They are: GANDARIA XXI IMAX Gandaria City Mall, Level 2, JL KH. M. Syafii Hadmazi No. 8, Kebayoran Lama Jakarta 12720 (021) 29053218 GADING XXI IMAX Mall Kalapa Gading 3...

If I had the choice, I'd jump onto one of the old, battered pinisi at Sunda Kelapa harbor, fingers crossed that I’d end up being taken to some far flung island where aquamarine seas lap fine golden sands…  Problem is: I don't have the choice :(

The things you see...

1) Indonesia’s great tourist attraction is the National Monument in Jakarta , a giant-sized replica of the male manhood. 2) Expensive holiday villas in Bali are currently very popular with Australians who regularly visit this idyllic island. The well-heeled buyers are, however, completely oblivious to Indonesian law which specifically prohibits foreigners from legally owning property in Indonesia . But Bali isn’t part of Indonesia – or is it? Whatever. 3) The Indonesia flag is the same as the flag of Monaco. Unlike Monaco, however, Indonesia doesn’t have a grand prix. 4) Prostitution is completely illegal in Indonesia. To get around this restriction, “ plus plus spas ” are licensed to provide similar services to both locals and foreigners. 5) It is a curious quirk of nature that the zebra crossings in Indonesian cities can only be seen by foreigners. By contrast, they are completely invisible to the locals and this explains why motorists will never stop when you try to cross ...

Yogyakarta is the only functioning sultanate in Indonesia and in the royal compound (the Kraton) you will come across ancient Hindu motifs, Buddhist lotus flowers, and Islamic calligraphy. Most of the paraphernalia within the Kraton are gifts from the royal families of other countries. The best way to reach the Kraton is by bicycle, as this makes it easier to explore the sleepy kampong surrounding the Kraton where the pace of life proceeds almost in slow motion. Admission is more expensive for foreigners than locals but, if you can live with that shameless discrimination, make sure you come fairly early in the day as the opening hours are from 8am until only 2pm. A guide will attach themselves to you, but there is no obligation to use one, so if you don’t, just let them know – but politely of course – this is Yogyakarta after all!

Jenny Cortez has her own little space over at blogdetik, and she gets my “sexy blogger of the week” award for her salaciously entitled post - The Confessions of a Hooker (Pengakuan Seorang Pelacur)! Jenny Cortez a hooker? Well, just look at her, with that handbag on the chair. Is there anything she won’t do? Hahaha!!!! Well she’s not a hooker of course! The post actually refers to the name of her latest film slated for release in November – the same month incidentally in which the final part of the blockbuster Harry Potter series will be released (The Deathly Hallows) but, hell, I know which film I’m gonna see first! Can’t wait!!!!! NB: As well as Jenny, Andi Soraya and Gita Prisilfia also star (sic) in the movie Pengakuan Seorang Pelacur. Here’s the film poster: Yes, and I love you too!

We all want a legacy, something to be remembered by. Perhaps that’s why so many people keep online diaries – or blogs – they can be read long after we have popped our mortal coil and, for most of us at least, they are the only realistic option to get a legacy; only a very small number of people will ever be remembered for being famous – as artists, writers, politicians, whatever.  But for the late H. Abdul Hamid, his legacy was achieved in a rather unique way - he created the recipe for the spicy chicken dish Karang Taliwang, so named because it is the subdistrict in Mataram where Hamid lived.  Although the Ayam Taliwang recipe was created as long ago as 1970, Hamid had problems selling the dish to potential customers since they were unaware of the difference between Ayam Taliwang and either grilled or fried chicken.  It wasn’t until the 1980s that the dish gained popularity after a state minister visited Mataram. Apart from Lombok, where the dish has acquired legendary ...

Poor old Fr eddy Numberi. He’s in BIG, BIG trouble with his wife. Kepada Rakyat Merdeka Online, Anni mengakui bahwa suaminya memiliki hubungan kasih dengan wanita lain yang berinisial RR. "Ini benar. Memang dia pacar Bapak," katanya yang ketika dihubungi sedang dalam perjalanan menuju Yogyakarta untuk mengikuti kegiatan Solidaritas Istri Kabinet Indonesia Bersatu. Informasi lain yang diperoleh mengatakan bahwa Anni Numberi telah melaporkan kasus perselingkuhan suaminya itu kepada Ani Yudhoyono . Oh the humiliation!!! What must Ani Yudhoyono be thinking?!!!! And SBY?!!! But who is RR? Well Tribun Medan think they know: Risty Rustarto!!! Don’t play with fire Freddy – you’ll only get burnt my friend!

Hands up Andi! You’re going to jail! South Jakarta prosecutor’s office sent actress Andi Soraya to Pondok Bambu women prison in East Jakarta on Tuesday despite her protest, kompas.com reported. Andi will serve her three-month jail term after the Supreme Court recently found her guilty of assaulting the wife of a businessman three years ago. “I was not involved in a drug crime, obscenity or murder. It was only a case which remains in a grey area. It’s strange that suddenly I am put behind the bars,” she said as she was moved from the prosecutor’s office to the prison. State prosecutors took her from her home after she failed to heed the office’s summons three times. But she insisted that the prosecutors execute the Supreme Court’s verdict after Idul Fitri, saying she had to take care of her two children. “It’s impossible for me not to comply with the law. I just think of my children,” she said. Source: Jakarta Post