Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Welcome to the house of fun now I've come of age Welcome to the house of fun Welcome to the lion's den, temptation's on its way Welcome to the house of fun ~Madness One would imagine that Old Suggs – now a pentagenarian would you believe? - would be right at home in Griya Sehat (the House of Health) despite his advancing years.  Located in the low-rise wastelands of West Jakarta, and a far cry from the plush uptown glitz of Jalan Sudirman/Jalan Thamrin, this value-for-money and unpretentious spa is located in what Indonesians call a ruko , a sort of cross between a house and office, or basically a small building which can be used for pretty much any purpose you want. Yes, even a spa.  Facilities include a sauna and the usual hot and cold baths. Rooms can be rented for around Rp150-200k. All in all, the total damage is around Rp500k++ for a very nice time indeed.  Yup, it’s a long way to get here. But the journey is most definitely worth it! Enjoy! Griya Sehat S...

Jakarta’s overpriced hotel bars can get boring after a while – as well as doing tremendous damage to your wallet! – but there are cheaper alternatives. Sure the girls are fewer in number (and less sexily dressed for the most part) but if all you are looking for is a place to hang out and get pissed then you may want to check out Melly’s Garden Bar and Resto which is located in the IBEC Building on Jalan KH Wahid Hasyim No. 84-88. The bar’s vibe is very similar to the cheap touristy bars that you can find in places like Kuta Bali , and even for that matter Jalan Jaksa - just a short walk away. What you can get here is beer, more beer and even more beer, as well as cocktails and even some basic grub. Interestingly for such a down to earth joint, Melly's has a couple of signature drinks that are well worth trying. The first is called "kebunku", which translates into English as "my garden". Order this and you are presented with a steel bucket filled with ice...

But where?!!! Well here are some ideas, geographically grouped given the increasing difficulty of getting around this behemoth city. Blok M, South Jakarta If you want to start on the lowest rung of the ladder and then work your way up then Pelatehan Road in Blok M is a good choice. Located just behind the main shopping area, this rather grubby street is home to a motley assortment of girly bars, some more depraved than others. Have fun but take precautions and watch your stuff. Kemang, South Jakarta Far better than Blok M is the up market expat enclave of Kemang where there is plenty of good nightlife. Bars to try include Murphy’s , Eastern Promise , Die Stube and 999 - but probably not all in one night! Scoring here may prove more challenging but if you’re not lucky, at least you can get pissed. Expensive hotel bars, Central Jakarta One of the easiest places to meet girls is in the bars of Jakarta’s plush hotels, most of which are located in the centre of town. ...

Conservation of Indonesia’s priceless rainforests may be important but it doesn’t generate cash, so I wasn’t too surprised to see this banner advertising furniture at the Forestry Ministry: So that's where the forests end up! We can only hope, of course, that it’s all being done in a “sustainable” manner – whatever that means when it comes to hacking down rainforests which have been there for millennia.  The state company advertising the furniture, PT Inhutani I, reportedly manages around 630,000 Ha of natural forest located in East Kalimantan and South Sulawesi. That’s enough forest for an awful lot of furniture – most of which is exported to Europe, Japan and the US.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~Oscar Wilde There are two main “Mangga” streets in Jakarta (Mangga Dua and Mangga Besar) and it’s easy to get them mixed up. Mangga Besar is Jakarta premier’s location for sleazy spas and degenerate nightlife while Mangga Dua is better known for its computer malls. So remember the difference. Because you don’t want to end up with a joystick when what you were really looking for was a good time! But if you do want to mix these two pursuits, there is an option: M Star Hotel Lounge and Spa. This degenerate den of Indonesian iniquity is located near to the WTC Mangga Dua mall and is moderately priced so you should be able to have a really good time for around Rp500k. Facilities include a sauna, steam room, hot/cold swimming pool, gym, bar, disco, lounge and, of course, massage facilities. Have fun. And oh – don’t forget the joystick! Hahaha!   M Star Hotel - Spa and Lounge Jl. Gunung Sahari Raya no....

I could eat my body weight in sushi. ~ Mikey Way If you are a fan of Poke Sushi, you may be delighted to hear that they now have a branch in the bustling food court on the third floor of the Grand Indonesia Shopping Mall. You may be less pleased, however, to learn that this branch has none of the class or panache of the original restaurant in the Crown Hotel. This is what you call “dumbing down”. And it’s a business strategy that doesn’t make much sense in my opinion. Upgrading? Yes. But serving tea in cheap little plastic cups that could be found in even the humblest warung? No! Expectations are very important when it comes to dining and it’s not as if the sushi served here is actually any different from the sushi served at the original restaurant. But when you are cramped into a small and claustrophobic space, the dining experience is inevitably less memorable.  So unless it’s for a quick lunch, do the right thing. Go to the original restaurant in Crown Plaza instea...

Oh death please consider my age  Please don't take me at this stage  My wealth is all at your command  If you will move your icy hand  Oh the young, the rich or poor  Hunger like me you know  No wealth, no ruin, no silver no gold  Nothing satisfies me but your soul    >O Death by Ralph Stanley from the O Brother, Where Art Thou? Soundtrack   We’ve all gotta go sometime and most of us will probably end up in a graveyard or in an urn on Aunt Molly’s mantelpiece.  In Bali they end up in the sea. Sure some fabulously rich people have had their corpses “cryonically preserved”, but they have as much chance of being brought back to life as the dinosaurs I reckon.  At the other extreme, Diogenes took the view that there was no philosophical reason whatsoever to respect dead bodies and he was insistent that his dead body be chucked out to the dogs.  Everyone has a different opinion it seems.  Even when they’re dead.  ...

South Bali Kuta/Legian Originally put on the map by Aussie surfers, Kuta has been transformed from a sleepy Balinese village in the 60s into a chaotic tourist destination in just two generations. Yet for all its crassness, Kuta’s appeal is surprisingly far-reaching. Not only will you find the ubiquitous Aussie surfers but also backpackers from around the world, grossly tattooed chavs (of both sexes), beautiful bikini babes , well-heeled Japanese and Koreans and, perhaps a little surprisingly, quite a few conservatively-dressed Muslim tourists in their full religious garb. But hedonism always did have universal appeal. The nightlife, as you might expect, is raucous and raw – as are the skins of the many sunburnt tourists who have spent too long under the blisteringly hot tropical sun. Where to stay in Kuta Cheap hotels: in the Poppies I and II side alleys which lead to the main road running the length of the beach Expensive hotels: by the beach – Hard Rock Hotel etc etc Tanah Lot ...

Basic specs Engine Capacity 1498 cc Engine Type 1.5 L DOHC, 4 Cylinder In-Line (HR15DE) Compression Ratio - Bore x Stroke (78.0 x 78.4) mm Power 114 bhp Torque 150 Nm Measurements Body Type SUV Dimensions (L x W x H) (4135 x 1765 x 1565) mm Wheelbase 2530 mm Min Turning Radius 5300 mm Fuel Tank Capacity 52 L

1) Visit Borobudur Temple, the largest Buddhist monument on earth . Considered by many to be one of the seven wonders of the world. And no wonder. This colossus temple is made from 55,000 square meters of lava-rock and is erected on a hill in the form of a stepped-pyramid of six rectangular storeys, three circular terraces and a central stupa forming the summit. Wow! 2) Visit Prambanan Temple, Indonesia’s largest Hindu temple and also a UNESCO World Heritage Site . Built in the 9th century, the temple was apparently dedicated to the Trimurti, that is Brahma as the Creater, Vishnu as the Sustainer, and Shiva as the Destroyer. It was constructed in the form of tall and pointed architecture, typical of Hindu temple architecture, with the largest temple standing an astonishing 47m high. 3) Climb (or visit) the Merapi volcano . Suckers for punishment can climb this ethereal, rumbling volcano (it last erupted in 2010, so keep your fingers crossed it won’t blow again while you are there!). Le...

1) Sunbathe too long – especially around mid-day. This is the tropics remember, and unless you want to know what it must have been like to be a survivor in Hiroshima, then cover up, use copious quantities of suntan lotion, and, better still, just get out of the sun! 2) Drink cheap Bali booze . It may be cheap but there’s a bigger difference between ethanol and methanol than you might imagine: any cheap spirit containing the latter will almost certainly kill you within two hours after consumption .  3) Have sex on the beach. Unless you take “precautions”. Hahaha! 4) Drive while under the influence. Or you may end up in the ditch .  5) Believe anyone who offers you any sort of “financial dealings” in any form whatsoever. Bank scam!  6) Avoid karma and don’t step on the offerings in the streets; simply walk around them. Although it’s actually not that bad a thing to do, I always feel guilty if I accidentally step on these mini works of art.    7) Get bitten at th...

Need a spa? But can’t be bothered to make the long trip to Manga Besar? Well, if you live in or near to Tebet in South in Jakarta, there’s a much closer option: Spa Tebet Raya No18   Compared to the venerable spas of Mangga Besar, Spa Tebet Raya is certainly a much smaller operation. In fact, in the football world it would be like comparing Manchester United with Bury. But these sorts of small places hold their very own secrets. And at very affordable prices, you haven’t really got much too lose have you? Hahaha!!!

Let’s say you’re standing 1 meter away from a door and you want to walk to the door. But before you arrive at the door, you must reach the halfway point. But to get to the halfway point you must first reach the quarterway point. And so on, ad infinitum.  So to travel to the door you must travel these distances: ½ meter, ¼ meter, 1/8 meter, 1/16 meter, 1/32 meter, 1/64 meter etc etc.  So Zeno argues that because the sequence goes on forever, you must cover an infinite number of finite distances (*).  Meaning of course that you will never get anywhere. Bit like Jakarta really. (*) The paradox wasn’t exactly solved but a more streetwise fellow than Zeno simply got up and strode the 1 meter to the door before rubbishing the abilities of the erstwhile Greek philosopher.

Mbah Maridja - the heroic mystic who took on a powerful volcano and lost - lives on. His legacy, ads on dirty Jakarta buses for the energy drink Kuku Bima. But will the legacy last? Well, at least until he's painted over.

Logic presumes a separation of subject from object; therefore logic is not final wisdom. This is Zen. This is my motorcycle maintenance.   > Robert M. Pirsig (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values)  Back in 1997 Honda launched the single cylinder 197.00 ccm Tiger 2000. I bought one straight away. Over the years, this trusty motorcycle has served me well and saved me many hours that would otherwise have been wasted in soul-destroying traffic jams.   She is very reliable (always starts first time) and is never prone to ailments like PMT, MT or post-MT (although her carburetor did leak fuel for a while). This is the point where I could throw in some smutty innuendo about “what a good ride she is” but I won’t go down that particular “route” (or should that be root?) When it comes to motorcycle maintenance in Indonesia the key is to focus on the basics and never to overlook stuff like regular oil changes; keeping the tires well inflated; ...

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan Only 5 years ago, it was pointed out that one single US tech company, the behemoth internet stock Google - which was valued by the market at more than US$130bn - was incredibly worth more than ALL the companies listed on the Indonesian stock market with total capitalization of around US$80bn. Quite incredible I’m sure you’ll agree. One single company that operates in the virtual world (what exactly are its assets?) is worth more than all the listed banks, coal mining companies, CPO producers, retailers, property developers, telecommunications firms and others listed on the Indonesian Stock Exchange. Wow! So what exactly does it tell us? Well, that Google’s search engine is great and that Yahoo’s is crap. And not forgetting of course that Google is the preeminent internet company with a virtual empire covering almost the entire globe. But it a...