Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Don’t mess with a winning formula. That’s what they say. So little surprise that our good friends at Maxima Production House have once again looked beyond the shores of this Great Nation for internationally recognized talent - this time contracting the services of yet another seasoned performer on the Japanese hard core circuit – the simply lavacious Sola Aoi. Sweet looks betray her wild side This Sola Aoi certainly has an impressive track record from what I can make out, shooting her first skin flick back in 2002 - the now classic “Happy Go Lucky! - for the highly respected Alice Japan studio. From then on she never really looked back – except perhaps on certain uncomfortable occasions! – and churned out an admirable body of work (sorry!), including such classics as “Erotick Lady's Indecent Language Play”, “Sora is Your Do Exactly As Told Toy”, “Brand New Nurse Sora as a Pakopako Nurse”, “Repeated Death Grand Orrgasm”, and a whole bunch of other titles which I can’t really repeat ...

Malinda Dee, a senior office worker at Citibank in Jakarta has been arrested by Indonesian police for siphoning off some Rp17 billion of customer funds! And what did she use this huge sum for? Well, there was the Hummer. And a Mercedes. And even a Ferrari (which the police are still looking for). As well as a luxury apartment. But a considerable amount of the money – judging by the picture below – went into her biggest investment of all: Some very impressive cosmetic surgery!!! Wow! Just look at those... ... eye lashes! *The top heavy Malinda has been in detention since Friday and is said to be cooperating with the authorities who are making extensive inquiries into exactly how she managed to embezzle the money.

Indonesia’s love affair with nubile foreign actresses goes on! But this time the search takes us not to Japan – where Indonesian filmmakers have previously hired the talents of busty Japanese A/V stars like Miyabi and Sora Aoi – but the short distance across the seas to the laid back Philippines. The object of desire is Angel Locsin, a divine creature of such heavenly beauty that even the most embittered religious nutcase should not oppose her visit here: The report added that the movie will be shot entirely in Jakarta, and that her lines will require her to speak in English, Filipino, as well as Bahasa Jakarta. A dialogue coach is said to have been promised to guide the actress. Angel has already read the gist of the story and has requested for a script, said the same report. Although it is yet to be announced if the actress has accepted the offer, Angel seems keen on doing the movie, which should begin shooting in July. And you thought angels have big wings! They don't - they h...

It’s taken some time (over a year), but the police have finally managed to track down Indonesia’s sexy version of American fraudster, Frank Abagnale Jr., the dude whose skullduggery was made famous in the 2002 Steven Spielberg movie Catch Me if You Can. You know what they say: never trust a girl who shows a leg in public. According to reports, the lovely yet dangerous trickster Selly Yustiawati was finally arrested in the tropical paradise island of Bali. Selly was arrested at Hotel Amaris Kuta, Denpasar, Bali. When she was arrested she was with her lover, Bima, a student from a university in Yogyakarta. Her victims are from across the country, although most are resident in Jakarta, Depok, Bogor, Tangerang, Bekasi, Bandung and Jogyakarta. Make no mistake – this is a huge coup for the police. After all, the unscrupulous Selly had no qualms about tricking her prey out of millions of rupiah using her seductive charms to mask her dishonorable intent - always keeping on the move to avoi...

In Bangkok you can find a 3-meter high golden Buddha. It’s pretty impressive and its estimated value has soared to at least US$200 million as gold prices have headed relentlessly higher over the last few years. Here in Jakarta, we have Keong Mas or the Golden Snail. Sure it’s not made of real gold but what it lacks in monetary value it makes up in sheer wackiness. A huge gold snail? In Jakarta?  You have got to be kidding me right?!!! The zany edifice is located in former president Suharto’s “toy town” project, Taman Mini Indonesia, a sort of Indonesia in miniature theme park. Inside the Giant Snail is probably Jakarta’s best IMAX Theatre . Here you can enjoy ultra high resolution 3D movies. They are mostly educational and of the national geographic sort, so don’t come here expecting to see the latest Hollywood blockbuster! The inspiration for the architectural design of the Keong Mas building comes from an historic Javanese story about a beautiful princess (Dewi Sekartaji) magical...

The old axiom “you get what you pay for” certainly hold true when it comes to staying in hotels. So if you stay in budget places you have to be realistic about what you expect. Nonetheless, Sri Ratu is not that bad a place. The rooms, although tiny, are clean enough and the aircon worked as it should have. Even so, the overall feel of the hotel is pretty claustrophobic. A pool has been built but it’s surrounded very closely by rooms on all sides and is not exactly inviting. Sounds also seem to carry very easily, so if your neighbors are having a noisy dispute expect to hear everything! The hotel can also be a rather difficult place to find as it is tucked away down a little alley off the main street. All in all, this place is okay for one or two nights if you are in need of somewhere to stay. Any longer, look elsewhere! Sri Ratu Hotel Jalan Padma Utara Gang Three Brothers Legian

This is the best place I have ever stayed in Gili Trawangan : 1) It’s quiet. Being about a 100 meters walk from the island’s main strip of restaurants and bars means that you shouldn’t be kept awake by the annoying music being pumped out during late night parties, 2) It’s cozy. The rooms are well-maintained, relatively large (with one large bed and one single bed) and have aircon and a TV. The bathroom is also nice. 3) It’s well-run. You get a nice breakfast and the staff are helpful if you need something like your sheets changed etc. 4) It’s affordable. With only four rooms this is as close to a private villa as you can get – but on a much lower budget (mid-range). 5) It’s family friendly. With the additional single bed in the room, this is a great place for a small family. 6) It’s convenient. You only have to walk 5 or 10 minutes to find the main strip of restaurants and bars. 7) It has a pool. Although small it is still nice to cool down in. Besides, why swim in...

The UK’s King Edward VII was said to be a dour chap and I think he’d be very surprised to learn that a nightclub-cum-stripclub-cum-bordello had been named after him. Not directly named after him of course – the King Cross nightclub in Jakarta actually takes its name after a district in Sydney called Kings Cross, now ironically home to its fair share of hookers and gangster types, despite paying homage to the former UK king. But, hey, whatever. The king is dead and it’s time to party. King Cross offers a host of adult entertainment activities but is best known for its sexy dancers. There's always one, ain't there? Besides the spectacular stage shows, the girls will also entertain clients and get progressively “more raunchy” the more drinks you buy them (at Rp50k a pop). On the third floor of King Cross a live band can usually be heard after 8pm. But if it’s relaxation you need then treat yourself to a massage on the second floor. Here, in so-called therapy rooms,...

This is probably the best hotel to base yourself in if you are exploring the area around Ciwidey. The rooms are nothing special but good enough. I slept like a log thank you very much. Also on a positive note, the resturant serves great Sundanese food at affordable prices so you don't have to look for somewhere else to eat. At the weekends, the place gets full so a booking is essential but midweek it's often pretty quiet here. Enjoy! Sindang Reret Hotel and Restaurant Jl. Surapati No. 53 Bandung

Well, what a strange place! I only came across it by accident as the hotel blends in very well with its surroundings and is therefore very hard to find. The hotel has a strange “how the f*** do you pronounce that” name (Je-Je) and only a few staff. It also claims to be a “resort” - but that’s only in the very loosest sense of the word! The rooms (all 21 of them) are on three levels and they overlook a modest-sized swimming pool. What’s bizarre is the pricing – the most expensive rooms are on the ground floor, slightly cheaper rooms are on the first floor, and the cheapest rooms are up on the second floor! This obviously says a lot about the guests who stay here: they don’t like to walk! But perhaps that’s understandable - especially as many of them are probably not going to be very keen on negotiating the stairs after a heavy night’s drinking! The rooms themselves are pretty good for a budget hotel, so no complaints there. What could make or break your stay, though, are the...

I was at the gym the other day, flicking through one of the sports tabloids, and then I came across the page on Indonesian football. And without really thinking about it, more by second nature than anything else, I started to study the Indonesia Super League table.  I’ve always had a thing with stats and numbers and a close analysis of stats like this can help identify certain probabilities that may be useful in football gambling strategies. But after a while it struck me that there was something strange. Something very strange indeed…  Okay here’s the background first. Basically, everyone knows that there are three possible outcomes of a football fixture – home win, draw or away win. And home wins are much more likely than away wins.  There are a number of reasons why this is so – psychological; having the crowd behind you, whatever – but basically it’s simply referred to as “home advantage”.  But how big is “home advantage”? Well this is when it gets interesting...

This is quite astonishing. Putri Ari Sigit, great granddaughter of former president Soeharto, has been arrested along with five other suspects in a spectacular drugs bust at an unnamed hotel in South Jakarta, only identified as Hotel M on Friday 20 March 2011. Adding to the flavor of the case, one of those arrested is said to be a policeman (or policewoman). Most remarkable of all, though, is the astonishing size of the drugs haul - 500 ecstasy pills and a whopping 30 kilograms of crystal methamphetamine with a total street value of Rp14 billion! But guess what? Early signs are that the suspects are being treated as drug users rather than drug sellers. Go figure!

Strange little place this and the hotel staff, whilst not quite as disconcerting as a certain Mr Norman Bates, were still strangely standoffish and anonymous. In physical terms, this is really two hotels in one: there are the original and rather run-down bungalows built God-knows-when... ... and then there are the newly-built two-storey accommodations which overlook the pool.  The rooms are simple but I slept well enough. The breakfast? Well, about as basic as you can imagine. But it won’t break the bank to stay here and the beach is only 20 minutes away. Not too bad. And if you don’t like it, there’s always the Je-je Resort around the corner! Arca Bungalow Three Brother Street, Legian

Not the last word in luxury accommodation by any means – the rooms are pretty small and showing their age – but, from a positive aspect, they are good value for money and the location close to the sea is great. I’ve always enjoyed my stays here and the only time I couldn’t sleep was when a large group of local tourists kept the noise up until late when I told them to shut it. Unless you like bland food, you may find the restaurant disappointing as well. All in all, a good deal for divers and budget-conscious tourists who are not bothered by the hotel’s limitations. Matahari Tulamben Resort, Dive and SPA Tulamben Rd., Tulamben, Bali

There are cheaper places to stay in Amed – like the excellent Double One for example – but there are few better than the excellent Blue Moon Villas. Whether it’s worth paying the extra is a purely personal decision but, if you have the money, then I say go for it – especially if you are staying here for something special like a honeymoon or wedding anniversary - or even just a dirty weekend away with your girlfriend!   :) What Blue Moon Villas has is that extra touch of magic which can transform a pleasant stay into a highly memorable one. The rooms are nice and clean with really comfortable beds and crisp air conditioning (so important – and not just for a good night’s sleep! Hahaha!). In the grounds of the villa there is not just one infinity pool but a number of them - a very nice touch. Also pretty good was the food. About the only thing below par were the rather timid massages given by the masseurs who were clearly amateurs (but then again, I live in Jakarta so I w...

I came across this place as I like to eat at the nearby Sama Sama restaurant in Jemeluk Bay - one of the best snorkeling spots in Amed. They have various types of rooms, with some small budget rooms up on the first floor and a few nicer, larger rooms downstairs. We stayed in one of the rooms downstairs. However, there were some problems. Firstly, the beds are not up to scratch. They sag badly and unless you are one of those people who likes sleeping in a hammock you are not likely to sleep well. Secondly, the restaurant is poor and overpriced – the breakfasts barely edible. Thirdly, any loud noises coming from the room next to yours are easily audible due to the room’s poor design and construction. We had a couple next to us and whenever they opened or closed the bathroom door it sounded as if it were being done in our room! Not good at all. We left after one night as we barely slept. On a more positive note, however, the views were nice! Dive...

The Jakarta Fine Art and Ceramic Museum is one of the grandest buildings in Kota, yet unlike so many of them, fully restored to its former glory. In accordance with its original function as Batavia’s Court of Justice, the architectural design is appropriately imposing, built in the Palladian style – which is easily recognizable from its use of symmetry and huge columns. Palladian architecture, which was once very popular in Britain back in the 17th century, still (rather bizarrely) remains in vogue in modern day Jakarta - where the rich now build their ostentatious mansions in wealthy suburbs like Pondok Indah. I’m no fan of ceramics but the museum does have a decent collection of paintings by old masters including Raden Saleh and, my favorite, the expressionist painter Affandi . All in all, a wonderful old building and definitely worth a look around on any visit to Kota. The Jakarta Fine Art and Ceramic Museum now… And in the early 1930s… The Jakarta Fine Art and Cer...

-What would you like for lunch dear? - Er, two Magnum ice-creams on a stick with lashings of chocolate sauce and a side serving of sprinkles and strawberries please…   Yep, it may sound crazy but Magnum Café is an extremely popular cafe in one of Jakarta’s largest temples to consumerism, the humungous Grand Indonesia Shopping Mall. When we went there a few weeks back, long queues were snaking all the way to the counter and people were being turned away. The idea of consuming two sickly sweet magnums in one sitting is well up there on any good list of “wacky things to do in Jakarta”. But like any high-risk activity safety should always come first - so don’t forget to prepare a few insulin filled syringes beforehand. Indonesians, of course, are masters of the art of sugar eating and have regular training sessions where they drink ice tea so sweet that the sugar will barely dissolve anymore. Besides the specially-crafted meals on the restaurant’s menu, you can also order...

Tarci Bungalows is a nice little place located at the far end of the Jungutbatu strip where hotel prices are slightly cheaper. There are not many rooms but make sure to bargain if they are not all taken. I quite liked the rooms. Although affordable, they are certainly not cheap in the nasty sense of the word and are quite presentable with kinda ethnic décor, decent fittings and furnishings, and a clean western style bathroom. A recent addition is a small swimming pool out in the front which although nice enough is not much larger than a Jacuzzi! Better still though is that the Agus Shipwreck Bar and Restaurant is located just in front of the bungalows and a great place to sink a few cocktails!

A married man decides to work late so he can be with his sexy secretary. So he calls his wife to make up an excuse. “honey, I’ve got to work late.” But he doesn’t work late, of course, and takes his secretary to a quiet little place where they have a great couple of hours. But in the bathroom the married man notices in the mirror a huge love bite on his neck. He panics, wondering what he is going to tell the wife. Anyway, he goes home. And upon opening his front door, his dog came out to greet him. Aha, the man thinks, and he promptly falls down, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he cries, "Honey, look what this damn dog has done to my neck!" "Hell, that's nothing" she answers, ripping open her blouse. "Look what he did to my tits!" Hahaha!!!! And when Tia’s not in the office she looks good in denim shorts too:

Note: any similarity between the movie poster and the one for Hollywood’s Drive Angry (shot in 3D) is purely coincidental . Naturally. Rodney (45) is a businessman with two very attractive daughters, Vicky (26) and Jane (25). But his business affairs are in poor shape and he owes a lot of money to mafia kingpin Mark (35). So what does he do? Well, exactly what any other self disrespecting businessman would do: he agrees to Mark’s request for his older daughter’s hand in marriage! But prior to marriage Mark and Vicky head off to Gunung Kidul, presumably for a dirty good time, but things don’t go as expected and Vicky is found dead – supposedly a victim of the “mountain’s spirit”. Vicky’s younger sister Jane is understandably devastated, but this doesn’t last long and she quickly agrees to step into her sister’s shoes and marry Mark herself! Wacko stuff I’m sure you’ll agree, and it gets even more preposterous when Mark declines to partake of the bodily charms of the lovely Jane on his w...

There’s an old saying in Indonesia that hospitals are places you go to die, but be that as it may, the Cikini Hospital on Jalan Raden Saleh is well worth a quick visit if you happen to be in the area – perhaps after enjoying a meal in one of the Middle East themed nosh houses in the area like my favorite - the excellent Al-Jazeera restaurant which we had just visited. From the front the hospital doesn’t look anything special, but if you walk through the main entrance you will find a wonderful old building constructed in the French neo-gothic and Moor architectural styles. The old house as it was in 1890 As it stands 120 years later, photographed from almost the same spot. Not a lot has changed although – if you look carefully – you’ll notice the small cross on the top of the building has since been removed – a metaphor for today’s less tolerant times perhaps. This grand old building was built in 1852 and is notable for being home to one of Indonesia’s greatest painters, Raden Saleh Sya...

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently   > Friedrich Nietzsche   So Wikileaks finally deliver the big one and accuse SBY of “abusing power”. Th e cables say Dr Yudhoyono has personally intervened to influence prosecutors and judges to protect corrupt political figures and pressure his adversaries, while using the Indonesian intelligence service to spy on political rivals and, at least once, a senior minister in his own government. They also detail how Dr Yudhoyono’s former vice president reportedly paid millions of dollars to buy control of Indonesia’s largest political party, and accuse the President’s wife and her family of seeking to enrich themselves through their political connections.  Read the full article here .   The revelations are certainly astonishing in their boldness and have not gone down too well in the corridors of power with the Presidential P...

5. Jogyakarta As a university town, there are no shortage of hot undergraduates. At the other end of the scale are the city’s many massage parlors and treatment spas. Jogya certainly offers a challenge, but that’s why it comes in at number five on my list and not number one! 4. Bandung Bandung is a cool, hillside city in West Java known for its old colonial buildings (the Dutch loved it here) and its nubile Sundanese women, who are among the most beautiful in Indonesia. You can meet girls in all the usual places, especially at nightclubs, bars and cafes. There are also plenty of unattached university students here. Watch out though for the cewek matre (material girls): they can empty your wallet as quickly as a piranha can devour a buffalo! :) RT @YGPxxx Sumpah teteh @BabyMargareth haduuuh. . .seksiiih, cakep bingiiitts :* pic.twitter.com/MJuZOpdbUE — Baby Margaretha (@BabyMargareth) May 22, 2014 There are many beautiful women in Bandung, just like the delightful Baby Ma...

He's Sindbad the Sailor Man. He's Sindbad the Sailor Man. He's strong to the finich cause he eats his spinach, he's Sindbad the Sailor Man… The Yanks may have Popeye but the Arabs have Sindbad – a sailor man from Basrah, now in modern day Iraq but back in Sindbad’s day, a city of the Abbasid Caliphate. And here in central Jakarta, in the rather scuzzy and low brow district of Petamburan , you can find the Sindbad Restaurant, an eatery which purveys good quality and fairly pricey Arabic grub.   I often head past this restaurant on my way to the gym but have never stopped by, so after many years, decided to let my curiosity get the better of me. And in I went. Not too bad. A calm and relaxing vibe. Red themed décor which you often find in Arab restaurants. A large aquarium with not many tropical fish – I hope this wasn’t because they’d been eaten! The waitresses were pleasant and helpful but with their headscarves and Arabic garb could easily have been mista...

1. eat nasi padang using your fingers  2. piss on the bathroom floor rather than into the toilet closet  3. Have the aircon on all the bloody time  4. keep durian in the fridge  5. drive while texting - no problem lah  6. invite your sister and her three wild kids over on Saturday evening  7. leave the lights on all night long in the other rooms (to keep away the ghosts?)  8. insist that smoking is good for you (or at least better for you than alcohol) - cos that’s what the guy at the local house of worship said and he must be right, naturally, God bless him   9. nag him cos the roof leaks (all roofs in Indonesia leak!)  10. Tell him sex in the kitchen is totally “out of the question” but initiate proceedings while you’re parked roadside at Ancol in a cramped Honda Jazz.  11. refuse to go swimming during the day – it will turn you “black”  12. refuse to park a 5 minute walk from the entrance to the mall, and instead spend the ...

It’s difficult to stay on the straight and narrow in Jakarta. Girls are everywhere. From the glitzy shopping malls and offices to the decadent spas and dimly-lit bars , and even, I should add, in the most unlikeliest of places, such as houses of worship, banks and roadside warung. Rare is the man in Jakarta who can resist such temptations. But while many expats will happily enjoy their forbidden fruits, it rarely occurs to them that their Indonesian girlfriend may also be enjoying herself a little too much. Some say it’s in their blood while others put it down to youthful exuberance. Too often, though, the expat probably had it coming. If only he had given her more attention… While this may be worrying to know, it’s important not to panic. Your girlfriend may be a very good liar but there are some obvious tell-tale signs that can reveal her deceptive ways: 1) She doesn’t ask you to bang her 3 times a day anymore. 3 times a week is now enough for her. This is a sure sign h...