How to put Singapore in its place

So SBY has finally declared the mudflow in East Java as a ‘disaster area’ not fit for human habitation.

But the area will not be completely vacated. Cos in a bid to recover the losses, the disaster area will - reportedly - be turned into the world’s largest venue for mud wrestling after the World Association of Lesbian Mud Wrestlers approached the Indonesian government to seek permission to hold its annual contest at the site.

But the mudflow in East Java ain’t the only dirty thing troubling SBY at the moment. Cos a bit of mudslinging by Singapore’s old man on the block Lee Kuan Yew has angered SBY so much he has asked the Singapore Ambassador in Jakarta to explain Lee Kuan Yew's comments.

So what did Lee Kuan Yew say that was so bad? Well not that much really. The statement that apparently angered Indonesia – and Malaysia – was that these two countries “have problems with the Chinese. They (the Chinese) are successful, they are hardworking, and therefore, they are systematically marginalized."

Well, that may be true. But that’s not the point of course. Singapore is a tiny little island and they should treat their larger neighbors with a bit more respect. How dare they get lippy with the big boys. So what can be done to teach them a lesson?

Well first off, Malaysia could always turn off the water supply (much of Singapore’s water is pumped in from Malaysia). Although this threat has been made on numerous occasions before, it has never been carried out.

But another option is the more aggressive policy of bombing the tiny city state – with durians. “Not only will direct hits kill, but many Singaporeans are allergic to them (that’s why durians are banned from Singapore) – meaning that they would soon surrender”.

But if the durians don’t do the job there’s something else that might. That mud from Sidoarjo…