Instead of getting married again,
I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard
This is a post about marrying an
Indonesian woman in Indonesia.
Well, the first consideration of all,
of course, is to ask yourself honestly whether the marriage has any hope of lasting.
Better to cut and run at this early stage than to deal with a failed marriage.
In short, you need to do your
homework.
Ask yourself what kind of women she
is? I’ve identified most of the common types in my ‘expat guide to Indonesian women’ (socialite, upwardly mobile villager, career woman, university
student, tomboy, little miss religiosity, and aspiring model).
This covers a lot of ground, of
course, but from my own personal experience I cannot stress strongly enough how
important it is to ensure you are a good match.
In particular, especially if you are
a bule, you need to be aware of the R factor. Indonesia is, after all, one of
the most religious countries in the world and while you can ‘covert’ and brush
this sensitive topic under the carpet in the early stage, it will come back to
bite you in the future, I can assure you. The older a woman gets, the more
religious she gets. And once into the 40s she is eying her path to heaven, and
that according to her religion depends on you. Don’t say you haven’t been
warned!
Marrying a woman from a lower socio-economic
background also presents its challenges. While these women can be very loyal
(especially if they are Javanese), they believe that it is your responsibility
alone to provide for your family and most likely others in her family as well
(such as her mother etc). This obviously can raise questions over whether she
is merely a gold digger, although to be fair, it’s often pressure from her
family that causes her to behave like this. Boundaries clearly need to be set
otherwise you will simply be taken advantage of.
Also on a cautionary note, it is
extremely important to make sure that you haven’t fallen for the dreaded
psycho. These women are masters at disguising their true character, which
inevitably is only revealed after the marriage takes place. More about these
women here.
Anyway, assuming she is the girl for
you and you want to get married, then what next?
Well, preparing the wedding stupid!
This is likely to involve a large
ceremony as Indonesians believe it is vitally important to let the whole world
know a marriage is taking place (even though this could now be done much more
easily nowadays through social media channels such as Instagram!).
Also be aware that marriage in
Indonesia can only take place between couples of the same faith.
So if you marry a Muslim lady and
you are not Muslim then you will have to convert. This involves reciting the
shahadah. Oh and one other thing: you must be circumcised. Don’t worry it
doesn’t hurt. Much. Hahaha.
After reciting the shahadah and choosing a Muslim name you will get a certificate
proving your conversion and this is needed in order to become legally married.
Apart from that you also need to get
a letter of ‘no impediment’ from your country’s embassy showing you are able to
legally get married, as well as undertake a health check-up at a local
government clinic to prove that you are healthy enough to get married (actually
they test your blood for HIV).
Once married your wife can sponsor
your visa in Indonesia (KITAS – temporary residence permit).
It lasts for one year but can be
extended on a yearly basis.
After two years of marriage, you can
apply for permanent residence (KITAP).
You may also be wondering whether it
is possible to work in Indonesia.
Well, it is but if you want to work
in the formal sector you will still need to get a work permit. More on that
here.
So good luck. And here’s to many
years of happy marriage!
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