The wrongdoings of a corrupt tax office employee (and now his wife) may be making all the headlines in Indonesia, but far from these shores there is another corruption case involving Indonesia which - I have been informed – has far, far wider repercussions - if the case were ever to be investigated in Indonesia (which is highly unlikely).

In some ways I have some sympathy for Innospec. Because it is – so I have been told – impossible to conduct business in Indonesia unless the inner cogs of the vast machinery are kept well and truly greased.

Different companies go about this in different ways. I once met a guy who told me he would spend afternoons on the golf course and make utterly preposterous golfing bets with his “golfing partner” during the course of the game – bets he knew he was obviously going to lose. By the end of the round he was hundreds of thousands of dollars down.

Can I sink this put from 83 meters? Yeah sure I can. Wanna bet on it?

So what did Innospec do that was so wrong?

Well it wasn’t so much the illicit US$8.5 million of payments per-se but the inexcusable action of selling a dangerous anti-knock fuel additive called Tetraethyl.

Innospec is thought to have benefited to the tune of 770 million US dollars (£505 million) as a result of the bribes that were paid out between February 2002 and December 2006.

The payments were in relation to the supply of the firm's anti-knock fuel additive Tetraethyl Lead (Tel), a major source of income for the company before health and environmental concerns led to its withdrawal in the US and Europe by 2000.

Source: The Independent

But despite being found guilty the Southwark Crown Court only fined the company £8.3 million!!

Sentencing judge Lord Justice Thomas said the fine was "wholly inadequate" but he did not want to make the company insolvent, affecting its innocent employees. Any higher would threaten the firm's almost 400 jobs at Ellesmere Port on Merseyside, it was claimed.

But what’s really really interesting – and not something that the British press has revealed - is to whom the bribes were paid.

Well, who do you think?

Well I found the answer at the website of the UK’s Senior Fraud Office site:

… bribes were paid by the agents to staff at the state-owned petroleum refinery, Pertamina, and other public officials who were in a position to favour the company by purchasing orders of TEL.

... the company (Innospec) accepts that it knew that a proportion of the commission funds would be used to bribe both Pertamina officials and other public officials at higher regulatory or ministerial levels, with influence over the purchase of TEL.

Holy smokes! If this ain’t a smoking gun I don’t know what is!!

It must have been a “hard” decision to make but the constitutional court has only gone and upheld the much maligned “anti-pornography law”!

Indonesia's Constitutional Court on Thursday threw out an appeal of a controversial anti-porn law, in a blow to some secular parties, minorities and artists who had said it threatened freedom of expression.

The court said concerns about the law's ambiguity, lack of regard for certain ethnic and religious minorities, and its potential to incite vigilantism, were exaggerated. There was one dissenting opinion from the panel of eight judges.

Source: Washington Post

In typical fashion, of course, the lawmakers couldn’t “get their heads around” the issues at hand and - rather than rejecting this nonsense outright - have instead upheld a law which defines pawn in such “broad” terms that it even makes the Taliban look liberal.

In the final legislation, pornography is described as "pictures, sketches, photos, writing, voice, sound, moving picture, animation, cartoons, conversation, gestures, or other communications shown in public with salacious content or sexual exploitation that violate the moral values of society."

But sexuality is a fundamental part of what it means to be human. And you can NEVER legislate against that.

And to prove it, here's a porn test I've devised for the Constitutional Court:

Pic 1: I took this pic while in Semanggi Plaza on Sunday. Can’t quite remember the exact name of the restaurant. Frankfurter Joes or something. And it wasn’t only the girls who were eating these wonderful sausages either.



Pic 2: Interesting thing the human body and this is an extremely “vital” organ. But be warned – you may be tempted to go poking around in there - but good hygiene is very, very important. So make sure you wash your hands well beforehand to avoid any infections.


Wonderful thing, the human eye (if you see anything else you are a VERY sick and dirty person)

Pic 3: Jakarta is not a particularly well-lit city so I am always pleased to come across a streetlamp. Especially when it looks as good as this.

JP> Authorities said Wednesday that they will not issue a permit for an international gay and transgender group to convene a regional conference in Surabaya because of fears it could incite unrest.

The international lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex association (ILGA) had been scheduled to meet from Friday to Sunday in Surabaya, Indonesia’s second largest city.

"This is a bit of a prickly problem for us and based on intelligence reports we believe this event could generate social disturbances,” a spokesman told reporters.

“They may bring along dangerous sex toys and use these as “offensive” weapons. Have you ever seen one of those being used “in action”? Frightening. Worse than a bloody truncheon!”

“And what if they plan orgies afterwards? This will only draw paying punters away from our city’s very own Dolly, which, after all, we are very proud of and have never tried to close down.”

>END

6. Mangosteen. The prickly durian may be the “King of fruits” but the honor of “Queen of fruits” is deservedly given to the mangosteen, a simply sublime fruit whose flavor the British explorer Burbidge described as "...something like that of the finest nectarine, but with a dash of strawberry and pine-apple added."

And so yummy is this fruit that the British monarch Queen Victoria herself once famously offered 100 pounds – a huge sum at the time – to “anyone who would bring her one."

This gave the encouragement to creative horticulturalists in Old Blighty to try and grow one – more for honor than monetary reward. And thus, in 1855, the UK, with its most miserable of climes, achieved the impossible: the first ever fruiting of this fabled tropical fruit on British soil! And here I quote:

This feat was accomplished at Syon Park, the ancestral home of the Dukes of Northumberland, by their highly skilled gardener John Ivison. The greenhouse complex was heated to maintain a steady tropical temperature to offset the temperate British climate and this was managed in what were then known as stove houses.

It was stated that the tree with the flowers was about 15' high and 9' wide (a field grown tree in the tropics can produce at a much smaller size and in fewer years) but to pull this off in a greenhouse was quite an accomplishment. It was acknowledged as such by the Royal Horticultural Society at the time.

Source: mangosteen.com

7. Snake fruit (salak). So called because of their reddish-brown scaly skin, I’ve never liked salak because they are way too dry for a fruit and taste a lot like acidic tissue paper! Yucks! Still, they look great though.

8. Jackfruit (buah nangka). Not named after some geezer called Jack but deriving from the Portuguese word jaca, these ridiculously large fruits grow on a species of tree in the mulberry family that is native to parts of South and Southeast Asia. I love the taste and texture of the fruit – both a bit chewy and sweet. Unripe jackfruit is cooked and then served in a spicy sauce with other dishes in Padang cuisine.

9. Guava (jambu). Insanely delicious fruits which I first tasted in Indonesia but which are apparently native to Mexico, Central America, and northern South America and came to SE Asia by means of ocean drifting (yeah, sure!). Defined as a superfruit - being rich in vitamins A and C with seeds that are rich in omega-3, omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acids and dietary fiber – eating one single guava can cure poor eyesight, help you run a marathon in less than 2 hours and keep you awake and alert for four days continuous. Or I could be exaggerating of course…

10. Passion fruit (markisa). Crack open the hard shell and you have – and here I quote – “an aromatic mass of double-walled, membranous sacs filled with orange-colored, pulpy juice and as many as 250 small, hard, dark-brown or black, pitted seeds”. Or in simple English, this means that when you eat this wonderfully tasty fruit you get loads of pips in your gob as well. And that leaves you to make a choice. Spit or swallow?

WTF moments come thick and fast in Indonesia.

This time I’m in South Jakarta, crossing the road and carefully avoiding the lunatic motorcycle riders who speed toward me, when I notice an enormous mansion shimmering in the distance, seemingly covered in gold!!!

Curiosity often squashes the Jakarta cat but I still feel compelled to get a closer look at this architectural masterpiece. So I make my way over there.

Five minutes of walking later and this is what I see:



An absolutely gargantuan house – my picture doesn’t do it justice – which seemingly pays homage to the celebrated gay fashion designer Gianni Versace who was tragically murdered by a psychopathic rent boy.

Closer inspection and you can make out the trademark lions.


Yep. This is a true Versace pad alright, right down to the finest details. Quite incredible but just a tad ostentatious don’t you think, given the harsh poverty not so far away?

Heck, whatever next? Gilt edged houses of worship? Well you shouldn’t be surprised…

1. Bananas (pisang): Ever the butt of crude joke makers everywhere, bananas are potent imagery in a country where the warm and sultry tropical climate lends itself toward amorous encounters. Indonesia has at least 42 varieties of banana, ranging from the sickly sweet Pisang Mas (gold banana) to the absolutely huge Pisang Ambon. No wonder Indonesia has a large and growing population (240,271,522 and counting).

2. Rambutan. These testicular looking fruits are a delight to eat – if not to touch. Get to the wonderfully juicy flesh inside by breaking open the hairy fruit by squeezing it between your thumb and first finger. But be warned - when buying these fruits in the market they’ll probably already be crawling in ants – which are presumably attracted by the fruit’s sweetness. So either wash the rambutans in a bucket of water when you get home or expect to get ants in your pants when you unpeel and eat them!


3. Durian Definitely an acquired taste, the English writer Anthony Burgess wrote that dining on this fearsome looking fruit was “a lot like eating vanilla custard in a latrine”. Nuff said methinks.


4. Pineapple (nanas). Being a pineapple lover myself I had once been mystified by how unpopular pineapples seem to be in Indonesia – especially since they are so cheap they are almost being given away. I finally found out why this was so when a number of years ago a rather prim and proper young lady strongly rejected my offer of a few large slices of fresh & succulent pineapple, telling me in the strongest possible terms that they can do all sorts of “unspeakable things” to a woman’s “plumbing” and even cause miscarriages (apparently there’s some truth to her claims). But what impact do they have on men I wonder?!!

5. Mango: The best recommendation for this juiciest of tropical fruits must come from Antonio Blanco, the famous Catalonian painter who made Bali his home. It was just another perfect day on the Island of the Gods when Blanco was asked by a London art collector for his views on that old philosophical chestnut that has been troubling philosophers since time immemorial:

"Antonio, you are rather Philosophic my friend; what have you found to be the meaning of life?"

And Blanco’s answer: "When I am biting into a ripe succulent Mango in my right hand, and at the same time fondling (with my left hand) the firm buttocks of an 18 year girl…..er…..model, THAT I have found to be the closest THING to a MEANING FOR LIFE".

Quite.

Fruits 6-10 will be my next post.

Indonesia may have its fair share of desperately poor people - including people so poor they can pass themselves off as hobbits (I kid you not) – but there are heaps of rich people too.

But who are these rich people? And who are the richest? Well, it’s not that easy to get a definitive answer as the rich can use nominee accounts and employ other trickery to hide their wealth – or simply not report it – but Forbes has come up with a new list that places seven Indonesians in the worlds 1,000 richest people.

They are:

1. Michael Hartono, ranked 258 (70 years old) US$ 3.5 billion
2. R Budi Hartono, ranked 258 (69 years old) US$ 3.5 billion

These two brothers founded Djarum, now Indonesia’s third largest cigarette company. The cash is continuing to pile up as Indonesian smokers puff away in huge numbers but growing realization among Muslims that smoking causes death (Muhammadiyah has just passed a fatwa saying smoking in haram) may make things tougher in the longer term. But not to worry. The Djarum Group also has a majority stake in BCA (one of Indonesia’s largest banks) and many other businesses. They even control the venerable Grand Indonesia Mall in the heart of Jakarta.

3. Martua Sitorus, ranked 316 (50 years old) US$ 3 billion.

Martua, who owns the CPO producer Wilmar International, has every reason to be happy now that the government has (unbelievably) classified palm oil plantations as “forest”.

4. Peter Sondakh, ranked 437 (58 years old) US$ 2.2 billion.

Owner of the Rajawali Group, he pocketed a cool US$ 350 million from the sale of Bentoel to British American Tobacco in June 2009. Keen to give money back to the community, the Harvard University community that is.

5. Sukanto Tanoto, ranked 536 (60 years old), US$ 1.9 billion.

Despite tax “problems” in the past, the Raja Garuda Mas Group is doing well in businesses from paper to CPO.

6. Low Tuck Kwong, ranked 828 (61 years old), US$ 1.2 billion.

Coal may be black and dirty but it’s made this chap heaps of cash through his astute purchase of coal mining firm Bayan Resources back in 1997.

7. Chairul Tanjung, ranked 937 (47 years old), US$ 1 billion.

A tender 47 and he’s already made a billion dollars. Not bad going. Owner of the Para Group – nope not those British chaps who jump out of planes but a group which owns Bank Mega, Trans TV and the Bandung Supermal shopping complex.

>>Important update (3 December 2010). The new Forbes list is now out!

I’ve included last year’s ranking in parenthesis so you can see how each rich person has fared over the year of 2010.

1. (1) R Budi & Michael Hartono US$11 billion
2. (3) Susilo Wonowidjojo US$8 billion
3. (5) Eka Tjipta Widjaja US$6 billion
4. (2) Martua Sitorus US$3.2 billion
5. (9) Anthoni Salim US$3 billion
6. (-) Sri Prakash Lohia US$2.65 billion
7. (11) Low Tuck Kwong US$2.6 billion
8. (6) Peter Sondakh US$2.3 billion
9. (7) Putra Sampoerna US$2.3 billion
10. (4) Aburizal Bakrie US$2.1 billion
11. (-) Kiki Barki US$1.7 billion
12. (12) Eddy William Katuari US$1.65 billion
13. (16) Edwin Soeryadjaya US$1.6 billion
14. (30) Boenjamin Setiawan US$1.5 billion
15. (14) Garibaldi Thohir US$1.45 billion
16. (8) Sukanto Tanoto US$1.4 billion
17. (15) Theodore Rachmat US$1.35 billion
18. (13) Chairul Tanjung US$1.25 billion
19. (20) Murdaya Poo US$1.15 billion
20. (18) Ciliandra Fangiono US$1.1 billion
21. (-) Benny Subianto US$1.05 billion
22. (19) Arifin dan Hilmi Panigoro US$985 million
23. (-) Sjamsul Nursalim US$850 million
24. (-) Agus Lasmono Suwikatmono US$845 million
25. (34) Kartini Muljadi US$840 million
26. (-) Tahir US$805 million
27. (29) Sandiaga Uno US$795 million
28. (25) Mochtar Riady US$730 million
29. (27) Ciputra US$725 million
30. (21) Hashim Djojohadikusumo US$680 million
31. (24) Harjo Sutanto US$350 million
32. (17) Trihatma Haliman US$600 million
33. (28) Hary Tanoesudibjo US$595 million
34. (22) Kusnan dan Rusdi Kirana US$580 million
35. (-) Wiwoho Baduki Tokronegoro US$575 million
36. (-) Engki Wibowo dan Jenny Quantero US$560 million
37. (38) Husain Djojonegoro US$545 million
38. (26) Eka Tjandranegara US$525 million
39. (33) Sutanto Djuhar US$490 million
40. (23) Prajogo Pangestu US$455 million

ANALYSIS

- Indonesia now has an astonishing 21 billionaires!!! This is up from only 12 in 2009.

- The top 10 richest Indonesians are now worth a staggering US43.15 billion! This is up from only US$26.1 billion last year – a net increase of US$17.05 billion!

- In percentage terms, the top 10 richest Indonesian have seen their wealth soar by 65.32 percent in only one year! Not bad, huh?!!

- By comparison, the minimum wage for Jakarta’s poorest will only rise by 15 percent in 2011 to US$143 (source: Jakarta Post).

- The combined wealth of R Budi & Michael Hartono could pay the YEARLY minimum wages of 6.41 million Indonesians!!!!!

- Sri Prakash Lohia wasn’t ranked last year but this year he is ranked 6th with US$2.65 billion. The reason for this is that like the footballer Christian Gonzales, the owner of Indorama Synthetics has now become a naturalised Indonesian citizen.

- Kiki Barki storms into 11th place from absolutely nowhere. This is the magic of listing your company on the stock market through an IPO. Kiki’s company Harum Energy was listed in October, and with the share price up over a third since IPO, Kiki is a very happy man indeed.

- The biggest “loser” must be tea tycoon Soegiharto Sosrodjojo who is not even in the top 40 any longer, although he was ranked 10th with US$ 1.2 billion last year. That’s something for him to ponder over a cup of tea, poor chap.


Here’s the previous list of the richest Indonesians in 2009:


1. R. Budi & Michael Hartono US$ 7 billion
2. Martua Sitorus US$ 3 billion
3. Susilo Wonowidjojo US$ 2.6 billion
4. Aburizal Bakrie US$ 2.5 billion
5. Eka Tjipta Widjaja U$S 2.4 billion
6. Peter Sondakh US$ 2.1 billion
7. Putera Sampoerna US$ 2 billion
8. Sukanto Tanoto US$ 1.9 billion
9. Anthoni Salim US$ 1.4 billion
10. Soegiharto Sosrodjojo US$ 1.2 billion
11. Low Tuck Kwong US$ 1.18 billion
12. Eddy William Katuari US$ 1.1 billion
13. Chairul Tanjung US$ 99 million
14. Garibaldi Thohir US$ 930 million
15. Theodore Rachmat US$ 900 million
16. Edwin Soeryadjaya US$ 800 million
17. Trihatma Haliman US$ 750 million
18. Ciliandra Fangiono US$ 710 million
19. Arifin Panigoro US$ 650 million
20. Murdaya Poo US$ 600 million
21. Hashim Djojohadikusumo US$ 500 million
22. Kusnan & Rusdi Kirana US$ 480 million
23. Prajogo Pangestu US$ 475 million
24. Harjo Sutanto US$ 470 million
25. Mochtar Riady US$ 440 million
26. Eka Tjandranegara US$ 430 million
27. Ciputra US$ 420 million
28. Hary Tanoesoedibjo US$ 410 million
29. Sandiaga Uno US$ 400 million
30. Boenjamin Setiawan US$ 395 million
31. Alim Markus US$ 350 million
32. Aksa Mahmud US$ 330 million
33. Sutanto Djuhar US$ 325 million
34. Kartini Muljadi US$ 320 million
35. Soegiarto Adikoesoemo US$ 300 million
36. George Santosa Tahija & Sjakon George Tahija US$ 290
37. Paulus Tumewu US$ 280 million
38. Husain Djojonegoro US$260 million.
39. Bachtiar Karim US$ 250 million.
40. Kris Wiluan US$ 240 million.

Good job lads. Nice to get things sorted just ahead of my visit.

And to whom should I make the US$10 million (Rp100 billion) cheque out to?

After writing about long distance bus trips in my previous post, I was interested to come across the largely unreported news that a Presidential Decree (Peraturan Presiden or Perpres) has been issued which gives the go-ahead for what will be the most ambitious construction project ever undertaken by Indonesia: the 29 km long Selat Sunda Bridge linking Java to Sumatra.

So long is the planned bridge that it makes the recent construction of the Rp5,438 m Suramadu Bridge that links Java to Madura look like a little kid’s meccano project.


But like all grand undertakings, the Selat Sunda Bridge doesn’t come with a low price tag and will cost an estimated Rp100 trillion (around US$10 billion) to build (or more than 20 times the Rp4.5 trillion it cost to build the Suramadu Bridge!)

To put this number into perspective it amounts to a phenomenal Rp1.05 million for every working person in this country (based on a 95 million strong workforce) and is about twice the entire state budget for education in 2010 of Rp 51.8 trillion!

So is this nationalistic folly or economic sense?

Well, according to the Presidential Decree, the project will be government managed although private contractors will also be brought in.

The feasibility study for the bridge has already been done – and interestingly enough by a company called PT Bangungraha Sejahtera Mulia (BSM), one of the companies in the “well connected” Artha Graha Network (AGN).

The sheer size of the project means potentially huge profits for certain parties and when you consider that up to 50 percent of public works funds in Jakarta are said to be used “inappropriately” (explaining why Jakarta’s roads are in such a shamefully poor state) it is little wonder the project is being pushed so aggressively.

Key to the project’s success is funding. Where will it come from?

But if the “in limbo” Jakarta monorail project is any guide, the bridge may never even be built anyway!

Note: Among the longest bridges in the world are the Seven Mile Bridge in the US, the King Fahd Causeway, the 13.5 km Penang Bridge in Malaysia, and the incredible 32.5 km Donghai Bridge (literally “East Sea Grand Bridge”) in China.


The Java-Sumatra bridge? I’ll believe it when I see it.

For sadomasochist travelers Indonesia has a lot to offer.

You can fly on vintage airplanes that have done enough miles in their lifetime to get to the moon and back – one of Jupiter’s moons that is – and you can travel on aging, rust-bucket inter-island ferries that seemingly defy all known scientific laws and somehow remain afloat (but not always, unfortunately for those onboard at the time).

And you can take a long distance bus ride.

And believe me, when I say long distance, I mean long distance. I’m not sure what the longest bus journey in Indonesia is (my personal record is the 30 hour torture trip from Medan to Bengkulu in Sumatra) but it is quite possible to go from Jakarta to Banda Aceh for example (1,830 KM), and even from Jakarta to Bima – a grueling three-day trip, including three ferry trips (you’d better pray the seas aren’t rough)!

To make the journey especially uncomfortable the bus company will astutely take out the seats when they first procure the bus and then refit them – but adding even more seats - so there’s basically no leg room whatsoever (unless you’re about the same height as a 4 foot 2 inch midget!)

And then there’s the bus driver: a psychotic, chain smoking Michael Schumacher wannabe. Try and tell him you’re on a windy, pot-holed road and not the autobahn and he won’t give a damn. So be prepared to have your guts tossed around a bit!

Entertainment is provided in the form of gut-thumping dangdut music and - if you’re lucky (or unlucky as the case may be) – low budget skin flicks that certainly wouldn’t get passed by the National Film Censorship Body. Cigarette smoke comes free. And for nosh, the bus will stop off at Padang restaurants on the way – but only when the bus driver feels like it. As for doing nature’s business, well, you’ll need a very strong constitution indeed – and preferably a poor sense of smell and bad eyesight as well – if you’re gonna venture into one of the Padang restaurant restrooms (remember that scene from Trainspotting? The worst toilet in Scotland?)

So, that in a nutshell, is long distance bus travel in Indonesia. And a damn good reason to make lots of shorter trips instead!