Hell, this is classic!

An advert warning parents to monitor their kids’ internet activity and TV viewing habits by depicting a…



@#(#$!!!!

Well, I ain’t sure what you can see – but to me it looks like a woman’s eye on its side!

This highly creative advert is for Malaysia (of all places!) but was created in…
… Jakarta, Indonesia!

Advertising Agency: DraftFCB, Jakarta, Indonesia
Creative Director: Widyalupi Nonis
Art Director: Ridward Ongsano
Copywriter: Rina Putri
DI Artist: C Production
Photographer: Gerard Adi
Published: August 2010

Note: although the ad was indeed created at the above agency, it had never been approved by the agency or passed onto a client – but was leaked by one of the agency’s employees who is reportedly “no longer with the company”
Even so it’s a great ad.

As I’m sure Tifatul would agree!!!

I've seen everything imaginable
Pass before these eyes
I've had everything that's tangible
Honey you'd be surprised
>Rocket Queen by Guns N' Roses

“Every dog has its day” goes the old saying.

Yep, that’s certainly true for Tanamur - although in the case of that legendary establishment a more apt expression might be “every bitch has its day” considering that the disco’s goodtime girls of the late 1990s are most probably not goodtime girls any longer (one hopes!), as a good number of years have now passed since Tanamur’s popularity reached its zenith in 1997/98.

I always loved Tanamur. Unlike virtually all other nightclubs in Jakarta, Tanamur was located in its own building and not within the safety of a large and anonymous shopping mall, or worst still, in some antiseptic and thoroughly cringeworthy 5 star hotel.

As a result of this “structural” freedom, the owner of Tanamur (*) was in the position to allow his establishment to become pretty much whatever it wanted to be: ultimately a highly egalitarian madhouse where all were welcome to enjoy long, wild nights accompanied by a gut-wrenching house-music boom.

Yeah, Tanamur had a life of its own alright; it was like a wild, uncontrollable beast - yet possessing a strong heart – which was resolute in its defiance to the conservatism and authoritarianism of the day. The hedonism is here to stay!

This was best exemplified by the inhouse “sexy dancers” who would dance erotically in specially designated areas, high above the ecstatic crowds below.

Hell, it felt like ancient Rome in there I can tell you - except without the grapes.

You could meet all sorts of people at Tanamur.

It really was that sort of place: from CEOs of multinational corporations to hard-nosed hookers; from shop assistants to celebrities, from SPGs to airline stewardesses, from gays, lesbians and cross gender types to investment bankers and lawyers. The list goes on.

Anyone who ever visited Tanamur has stories to tell. Mine could fill a book. Some are unrepeatable, others scary, but most simply wacky.

I’ll never forget the time, for example, when I’d gone with a friend to watch an Indonesian eleven take on Signori and his mates (Lazio) in an exhibition game at the huge football stadium in Senayan. Except for the piss-filled aqua cups thrown down on us from above it had been a good day out and we intended to put the icing on the cake by visiting Tanamur, which, as it was Sunday, was also Ladies Night.

Anyway we hadn’t been in Tanamur for that long, and suddenly a load of Italian dudes show up! The girls are screaming like mental – yep you’ve guessed it –some bright spark has dragged half the Lazio team down to Tanamur to give the players the chance to really experience the warmth of Indonesian culture firsthand!!!

I bet Signori hadn’t been happier all day.

And I’ll never forget the time what I thought was a fury creature was attacking my left leg whilst asleep in bed after a visit to Tanamor. What was it? A frigging wig can you believe?!! Either that or I was dreaming of course.

Saturday nights were the really busy nights and sometimes you could barely move in there. If they’d been a fire, noone would have stood a chance.

The worst thing about Tanamur was the parking area outside. The combination of well-heeled pleasure seekers and impoverished hoodlums is not always the greatest mix, and I once remember this thug grabbing a machete from the man who used it to chop up ice, before pinning this horrified expat against the wall with the blade of the machete only inches away from the expat’s neck.

Thankfully a couple of other hoodlums quickly broke it up, but for a fleeting instant I had the vision of this foreigner being chopped up into lots of little chunks of raw and bloody flesh – which would later be skewered and then barbecued – hey, anyone up for sate bule tonight?!!!

Hell, what a great place and what heady times.

Tanamur RIP

(*) Tanamur is of great historical significance, being the first real disco to open in the whole of South East Asia. For this great achievement we should honor the vision of Ahmad Fahmy, an Arab Indonesian, who got the idea of opening Tanamur after a visit to Europe where he had studied textile production. Ahmad Fahmy passed away in 2008; his legacy, many happy memories.

Take a goat, kill it and skin it (no I ain’t gonna provide a picture)

Using a machete chop up the meat into small chunks and thread them onto wooden skewers.

Mix sweet soy sauce with oil, and dip the meat on the skewers into this mixture.
Grill over hot charcoal until golden brown.

Serve immediately with chilies, sweet soy sauce and copious quantities of ice cold Beer Bintang from the fridge!!!


Sate kambing: Indonesia’s goat population is now down a half. Was it worth it? You bet it was!!! Baa!!!!!!!

Sanity is not statistical.
>Orwell

I was over at the Ministry of Forestry and Plantations and spotted one of those huge propaganda-type banners that Indonesia is still very fond of producing.

A throwback to more autocratic times perhaps, but always good for a bit of critical deconstruction.

This particular one shows SBY doing a bit of gardening, or more precisely planting a tree:


Not that SBY would ever actually plant a tree himself, of course – he wouldn’t want to get his hands dirty – it’s more of a metaphor for his support of the Forestry Ministry’s target of planting an astonishing one billion trees in Indonesia in 2010.

One billion trees!! But isn’t that quite a lot? I mean it’s around 4 trees for every man, woman and child in this country, considering the population of around 260 million.

But just like all Truespeak propaganda, the Ministry’s claim doesn’t hold up of course.

Cos the one billion figure quoted is actually the number conjured out of the air by the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) and the World Agroforestry Centre (ICRAF) for the number of trees to be planted GLOBALLY - but with no stated timeframe as to when the trees will actually be planted.

Bizarrely, though, the Indonesian Ministry of Forestry and Plantations seem to have taken it to meaning one billion INDONESIAN trees, but - as you might expect – they provide no details on their website as to where the trees are being planted, and most importantly what the progress has been to date.

But while the planting of trees is obviously a good thing, it’s just as important that protected rainforests are not cut down in the first place.

And in that regard, there is the bizarre story of the Norwegians suddenly realizing that their Indonesian anti-deforestation aid is actually “useless”:

A new report produced by the Indonesian government’s own climate committee shows preserving the rainforest is neither cost nor climate-effective, according to Klassekampen.

Indonesian timber companies earn huge amounts both on cutting down rainforest trees and replacing them with the plantations. The country is now the world’s third-largest emitter of climate gases.

This means Norway’s six billion kroner anti-deforestation deal between Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg and Indonesia’s president Susilo Bambang Yuhoyono, signed under the Climate and Forest Conference at Holmenkollen Park Hotel outside Oslo earlier this year, could be laid barren.

“At worst, we could end up with an agreement in which subsidies to the logging industry are regarded as environmental initiatives. This means [the money] will be completely counterproductive,” says Rain Forest Norway’s Campaign Leader Nils Henrik Ranum, who has read the report.

Or in simple terms, the Norwegians are funding the destruction of the Indonesian rainforests. WTF!!!

Having cut short his trip to Indonesia after Michelle’s humiliating public molestation, President Obama has had strong words with his best pal SBY:

Good timing this: I need a new bike and it’s the third day of the Jakarta 2010 Motorcycle Show. So I head over to the Jakarta Convention Center last Saturday evening with the intention of finding out from the good people at Honda whether they are actually gonna stop pissing around and finally release a decent motorcycle in Indonesia.

It’s jam-packed as you can imagine and the main assembly hall has stands for the major motorcycle manufactures operating in Indonesia.

To get punters over to their stands, the motorcycle manufactures have resorted to the thing that best sells sleek and sexy bikes with loud throbbing engines:

SPGs (sales promotion girls)



At the Honda stand I ask the Honda people about the bike I am interested in: the Honda CBR250RR.

And yes, they tell me, it will be launched in Indonesia!!!!

So I put my name down on Honda’s waiting list – apparently along with about 95 others – and check out the beast in the flesh, so to speak. And as you can see below, it looks pretty damn cool.



After that I check out the other stands, and with my trusty Nikon DSLR in hand get some pretty good shots.

Not of the motorcycles, mind you :)

For indolent blighters like myself, street food is our savior. After all, we can’t live on pizza forever and there are times when even a journey to the kitchen to rustle up an omelet is too much hard work. Thankfully, though, we have plenty of street foods to choose from in Jakarta. Here are some of ‘em:

1. Nasi goreng. Back home in Blighty the Scots like to clog up their arteries by pigging out on deep-fried mars bars. But over here things are different and the preferred dish is “fat-drenched rice”, or better known as nasi goreng. Horses for courses if you ask me, but either way you are well on the road to a coronary before your 45th birthday if you gobble down too much of this stuff. Yet nasi goreng is a very versatile dish, and it can be served for either breakfast, lunch or dinner – although you really wouldn’t want to eat it three times a day. The best nasi goreng I’ve ever had has been in Surabaya, where it’s red - rather than brown – apparently due to the addition of wholesome tomatoes (as opposed to the red food coloring cochineal/carmine which, would you believe, comes from crushed creepy crawlies!!!)


That's a hell of a lot of nasi goreng he's cooking

2. Bakso (Chinese meatballs) – a particular fave of US President Barack Obama, these “testicle” sized (???) chunks of, er, meat?, are not exactly the Dog’s Bollocks but they could well be the cow’s of course - cos that’s exactly the problem with Chinese meatballs; you simply don’t know what you are getting. It could be ***king anything; all mixed together with copious quantities of cacogenic borax… Yummy, I don’t think!!!

3. Bubur ayam (chicken-rice porridge) – much loved by young children and, strangely enough, late night revelers, who after a hard night’s clubbing, dine on this easily-digested mush just before sunrise as if they were vampires getting their last bloody meal. I remember it fondly in Surabaya, but haven’t eaten it for yonks.

4. Sate ayam (chicken sate) or Sate Padang (Padang style chicken sate). Tender chunks of chicken on wooden skewers is what you want, but chewy lumps of fat and gristle is - more often than not - what you get. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. Comes served with lontong (compressed rice cut up into small pieces).


5. Ceker ayam (chicken feet soup) – not that easy to find (*), but well worth seeking out cos it’s said to contain lots of nutrients and, as the podiaphiles among you will attest, there’s nuffin quite as enjoyable as sucking on deliciously tasting feet, is there?


Chicken feet, not

6. Gado Gado - classic Jakarta street food and one of the rare Indonesian dishes ideal for vegetarians as its ingredients are bean sprouts and other vegetables smothered in a savory-sweet Javanese peanut sauce, but, which, unfortunately, has the appearance of mud :(

7. Rujak cingur. Take one Goodyear tire (new or used) and cut it up into lots of little pieces. Serve with dashings of peanut sauce, and chuck in whatever else you can find in the fridge - cucumber, tempe, some noodles, unripe mango - and add a touch of shrimp paste. Half an hour into your meal and you’re still chewing grimly on your first mouthful. Yep folks. This is rujak cingur, possibly Indonesia’s most unappetizing dish, and definitely its most bizarre. Oh and if you’re short on Goodyear tires, cow’s nose (complete with cartilage) makes a fine alternative.

8. Rujuk manis – not to be confused with rujak cingur, rujak manis is an Indonesian fruit salad (papaya, unripe mango, pineapple, jicama, starfruit, water apple, guava) served with a spicy hot peanut sauce! Sounds crazy, but tastes great.

9. Nasi uduk – food fit for kings and the urban masses, nasi uduk is coconut rice Betawi style. Goes down a treat with fried chicken and tempe – although I’m not so sure that all that high cholesterol coconut milk is doing me any good… Oh well. Can’t live forever…

(*) if you’re searching for a place which sells ceker ayam (chicken feet soup), there’s a little street stall on Jalan Sabang in Central Jakarta. In fact, the whole of the street is a haven for street food junkies and most of the eateries are open till late.

Mum, what the hell is that chicken foot doing in me soup!

In an astute move which is expected to make him even more popular in Indonesia than he already is, US President Barack Obama has announced that he will be accompanied on his upcoming trip to Jakarta by the delectable Pamela Anderson!


The sexy showbiz star is taking the opportunity to visit Indonesia so that she can hand over the US$25,000 of funds she raised (by modeling nude, what else?) to the victims of the recent disasters in Mentawai and Central Java.

A positively beaming Obama is obviously delighted to have new “company” on his trip.

“Besides, it should be a hell of a lot more fun without Michelle just tagging along,” he explained.

Obama’s itinerary on 10 November 2010 is said to include the following:

1) A visit to Istiqlal Mosque. Nothing gives more credence to the claims by right-wing crazies that Obama is a closet Muslim than high-profile mosque visits. Obama just wants to bait them more.



Mesjid Istiqlal (Istiqlal Mosque) is impressive for its size rather than its beauty: but then again it was a pet project of former president Soekarno so that is hardly surprising. He liked things BIG (he would have loved Pamela!) Whether Soekarno’s support for the construction of the mosque won him any kudos in the afterlife is unknown of course, but he’s certainly left his mark on Jakarta as the many buildings and statues dotted around the city testify. I processed this image into HDR from several separate RAW files.

2) Meatballs Lunch - of all the epicurean delights that Obama could sample in Jakarta and what does he choose? Chinese meatballs! Not exactly the Dog’s Bollocks in my opinion – but it could well be the cow’s – that’s exactly the problem with Chinese meatballs; you simply don’t know what you are eating. It could be ***king anything; all mixed together with copious quantities of cacogenic borax… Yummy, I don’t think!!!

3) As it’s Hero’s Day when Obama’s here (10 November), Obama will be taken to a specially revamped branch of Hero supermarket packed full of US made goods. Oh the joys of shopping!!!

4) A visit to his old stomping grounds in leafy Menteng. To get there from his hotel Obama is insisting on traveling in a fully restored 1961 Lincoln Continental, open-top, modified limousine, which, incidentally, has already been shipped over to Jakarta. “I have every confidence in the ability of the secret service agents to keep me safe,” he explained.

Huge crowds are expected and the authorities are already undertaking “baby beauty contests” for mothers wanting Obama to hug their baby. So far, 45 babies are on the shortlist.

5) A night out on the town. Obama is with Pamala Anderson don’t forget, so don’t be surprised if he “retires early” to his hotel. But if things with Pamala are cool the President has options aplenty in the big, smelly Durian – from the stylish yet controversial Buddha Bar to the classy BATS bar in the Shangri La Hotel. (*)

(*) A trip to the Obama Bar on Jalan Jaksa is still a possibility although a bar crawl in Blok M has been ruled out on fears that Obama could be mowed down by an Al-Qaeda hijacked Metromini leaving the nearby bus station.