JP> Following the crackdown on the religious sect Ahmadiyya, the government now plans a new law banning trade in "immoral vegetables and fruits".

The new law is one of the strictest in the world and will come into force on 1 April 2011. Anyone found guilty of purchasing an erotic vegetable or fruit faces six years in prison and a fine equivalent to US$109,000.

The Minster for Morality and Truth said that the "negative effects" of these products was putting the nation in great danger and that something had to be done before everyone was having “free sex” just like the debauched Americans do.

“We first became suspicious when we noticed that nearly all purchases of vegetables and fruits were being made by housewives,” said the Minister.


According to the latest data from the IMF, Indonesia now ranks third in the world amongst countries with the highest production of erotic vegetables and fruits, suggesting that the problem had now reached epidemic proportions.

“This is very worrying”, said the Minster. “Not only are we a market for erotic vegetables and fruits, but also a major producer”.


Street trade in highly addictive testicular rambutans is increasing given the huge profits to be made.

To show that the war on erotic vegetables and fruits was being won, the police on Wednesday destroyed Rp 398 billion worth of erotic vegetables and fruits confiscated during raids over the past week.

The incineration of 5,675 bunches of phallic bananas, 1,934.36 kilos of stiff green cucumbers and 110,564 hairy rambutans took place near the Center for Science and Technology Research in Serpong, Tangerang. > END

NB: this post is purely satirical - for the time being at least!

Singapore is a very small country and exceedingly rich thank you very much. They have no resources and even have to import water from neighboring Malaysia which, although not as rich as Singapore, is still a lot richer than Indonesia. As for Indonesia, it used to be very poor but is now getting steadily richer. Like Indonesia, China and Vietnam used to be very poor. But they are now getting richer and very quickly too. North Korea used to be richer than South Korea but now it’s so damn poor its people sometimes eat grass. African countries remain depressingly poor and noone expects them to get rich - ever. So what the hell is going on? What could possibly explain such divergences in wealth accumulation?

Well think about it stupid! And if that clue doesn’t help click here for one possible reason!

Bali’s Ngurah Rai International airport has been named as one of the world’s “ugliest” airports by Travel + Leisure. It is lumped together with much better known airports like New York JFK, Paris de Gaulle, and – would you believe - London Heathrow!

Wanna know what they said about Ngurah Rai International? Well here’s the spiel:

For an airport whose motto is “Gateway to Paradise,” Ngurah Rai is confoundingly grim. Indonesia’s third-busiest airport, near Bali’s capital city, occupies a long, low building with a ceramic-tile roof. Though it doesn’t look so terrible from the outside, inside is a dingy concourse that could really be anywhere, assuming anywhere is Cleveland. “Low ceilings, very low lighting, chairs randomly here and there, and lots of gray,” recalls design writer Eva Hagberg, author of Dark Nostalgia. “All I can remember is the gray. Even the business-class lounge is gray.” And you know an airport’s got problems when its most eye-catching feature is a McDonald’s.

Hahaha!

But is it really that bad? Well, perhaps – but only if you are the sort of person who expects airports in third world countries to be gleaming architectural masterpieces like the Changi International Airport in Singapore.

Personally, I quite like Ngurah Rai. There’s a sort of unassuming, low-key charm to the place - very much in keeping with the easy going vibe of Bali.

And after your plane lands on the runway, it’s only a short walk under the scorching tropical sun to the tiny little arrivals hall - which is probably not much bigger than your living room.

Inside there’s not much too see. No huge flatscreen TVs and no wifi. A poster warns of the death penalty for drug smugglers and there are some pretty dodgy toilets at the end of the room that you might do well to avoid. No, there aren’t many seats - but who wants to sit down anyway? So just spend some time grabbing a few maps and tourist pamphlets and by the time you can say “Schapelle Corby Kerobokan” your luggage has arrived (hopefully with nothing missing, although that is not always the “case” - sorry!).

A short walk outside and you shiver in excitement at being in Bali and the color of the airport’s fabrics is the last thing on your mind (unless you are a Travel + Leisure journalist of course).

Ngurah Rai International ugly? Well maybe. But who cares?

“I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac, and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher.”

>Barack Obama

Young Barry’s Indonesian school certificate is doing the rounds on the net at the moment (click on it to read it):


Source: AP photo

WTF!

But what does it mean?

Well, Obama’s detractors say that the document shows that Obama was legally adopted by his Indonesian father, Lolo Soetoro, meaning that Obama is in fact Indonesian and that he should therefore not be US president (but, perhaps, president of Indonesia instead - although SBY might have other thoughts on that!!!). But while this may seem a reasonable assertion is it also wrong. This is because: 1) it is virtually impossible for a foreign male to be awarded Indonesian nationality (do the research yourself) and anyway 2) there is no reason why the authorities would choose the young son of Lolo Soetoro and his mother Ann Dunham to be a noted exception.

Another explanation - as put forward by this site - is that it is “customary” to put the father’s last name and religion on the school forms (rather than the child’s). But this assertion is equally flimsy I believe - in all the time I’ve been in Indonesia I’ve never come across a situation where you’re supposed to fill in YOUR details instead of your kid’s.

Nope, what we have here is young Barry’s parents being rather “economical” with the truth. Perhaps because the school might have been a bit uncomfortable about having a US pupil or perhaps simply because they thought it would help Barry settle in better if he wasn’t perceived to be an “outsider”.

So there we are. Don’t believe me? Well, I also have a document showing that the evil aliens from Planet Thurg are in the latter stages of planning an attack on Earth. But just don’t tell the CIA that, okay?!!!

With US President Barack Obama set to jet into Jakarta in only a month’s time, frantic preparations are being made to prepare a suitable “watering hole’ for the beer loving “Barry”.

As the most powerful man in the world, we might have expected the authorities to arrange for Barry to have his drinking sessions at a really classy bar. Shangri La’s BATS comes to mind. Or perhaps the very sophisticated Buddha Bar in Cikini.

But no. Barry’s having none of it, and as an avowed “man of the people” he has made clear his desire to drink with the “common man” (or woman obviously), and in far less salubrious surroundings.

Three different places in Jakarta were initially shortlisted: Blok M, Chinatown and the legendary Jalan Jaksa in central Jakarta.

But with Blok M rejected on fears that Obama might be mown down by an Al Quida hijacked Metromini bus leaving the nearby bus station and Chinatown given the thumbs down because of concerns that the US President might want to “loosen up” a bit at one of the nearby massage parlors, the decision pretty much made itself.

And so Jalan Jaksa it is.

But how are the preparations proceeding?

Well not too great really. Here’s the bar as it currently stands:



Oops, sorry! Just kidding! That’s the building in front of the Obama Bar and yes – it does look a bit like London after the Blitz, but, hey, this is Jalan Jaksa right?

So here’s the real pic of Obama Bar:



Nope, it’s not exactly in the greatest shape either but there’s still time to get the place sorted.

But what sort of a bar will it be? Well, a closer look at the banner probably gives a pretty good indication I reckon:



Yep it’s gonna be the sort of place where the likes of England football star John Terry and golfing legend Tiger Woods would feel very much at home. Barry should like it too and I can imagine there are quite a few young ladies simply quivering in their imitation Jakarta shoes at the prospect of rubbing shoulders with “our” Barry.

So what’s it gonna be Barry? Bintang or Anker? Cheers!!!

Barry sinks another pint in a training session for his Jakarta visit

Obama Bar, Jalan Jaksa no. 49, Central Jakarta, Indonesia

NB: According to the Jakarta Globe, the Obama Bar is going to be styled as a sports bar: the interior will be decorated with pictures of soccer players, and patrons will be offered a variety of Indonesian, Western and African food.

Sounds great to me!!

Back in the 70s the Balinese passed a wonderfully phrased law which forbids the construction of any building “higher than a palm tree”. And just as well they did. Otherwise Bali would probably have ended up a lot like Honolulu.

So with high rise buildings completely outlawed in Bali, you can imagine my surprise to hear that there are plans for the construction of the world’s tallest statue at a private cultural park in the southern tip of the island!

It will be a statue of the Hindu god Vishnu riding his faithful mount Garuda (a mythical bird), and when complete is expected to stand an incredible 146 meters tall, or easily beating the world’s presently tallest statue, the giant 128 meter Buddha which can be found in Henan, China.

So huge is the planned statue in Bali that the wing span of the Garuda is estimated to reach a phenomenal 64 meters and an estimated 4,000 tons of copper and brass will be needed in the statue’s construction!

But progress has been painfully slow so far, and the incomplete statue of Vushnu – without either arms or a lower body - cuts a very bizarre sight indeed.



Other parts of the statue are scattered around the park – like the Garuda’s head –



But most bizarrely of all are the huge separated arms and hands of Vushnu -


Worth visiting for the curious but it did get me thinking:

If buildings can’t be higher than a palm tree then perhaps neither should statues!

Garuda Wisnu Kencana Cultural Park,
Jl. Raya Uluwatu, Ungasan, Kuta Selatan Badung 80364 PO BOX 139 Nusa Dua Bali, Indonesia

On the way to the gym and I see this:


WTF! Just look at those dude’s clothes! About as relevant to a young person in Jakarta as baby doll underwear is in Jeddah (oops – wrong again!)

And as for the language in the BNN poster… it’s in English – pretty good English at that – but why? Cos correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t Bahasa Indonesia supposed to be the national language of this county?

Oh well, as long as people understand it of course.

But will they?

More on Naomi: Naomi, which means soft and delicate in Arabic, is one of the Arab region’s leading lingerie and nightwear brands. Launched in 1992, the company has been spectacularly successful and now has a presence in six Arab countries (Saudi Arabia, UAE, Kuwait, Bahrain and Oman) with over 126 stores. Its most recent ad was created by TBWA\Raad and it caused quite a stir.

Amazing little story this.

First off we have a report that “state construction company PT Pembangunan Perumahan (PP) has secured Rp 16.2 trillion ($1.8 billion) worth of contracts this year, including two with the Binladen Group construction conglomerate and holding company in the Middle East”.

Source: Jakarta Post

Bin Laden? You mean that Bin Laden?

Yep sort of. Well not him specifically but rather his huge family (Osama’s father Sheikh Mohammed bin Laden didn’t waste any time and fathered 53 children with his 22 wives).

Unsurprisingly, the Binladen Group have always gone to great lengths to distance themselves from the rather unsavory exploits of its most famous family member.

And if you check out Binladen Group’s current website all seems to be in order.

But if I were also to tell you that the Group’s previous website had been purchased with a pre-set expiration date of Sept. 11, 2001, you’d probably think I was talking a lot of nonsense.

Or maybe not.