Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

After the government ban on several spicy dangdut songs, including Julia Perez ’s classic "Jupe Paling Suka 69" ("Jupe Likes 69 Best"), the government now plans a new law banning trade in "immoral vegetables and fruits".  The new law is one of the strictest in the world and will come into force on 1 April 2012. Anyone found guilty of purchasing an erotic vegetable or fruit faces six years in prison and a fine equivalent to US$109,000.   The Minster for Morality and Truth said that the "negative effects" of these products was putting the nation in great danger and that something had to be done before everyone was having “free sex” just like the debauched Americans do.   “We first became suspicious when we noticed that nearly all purchases of vegetables and fruits were being made by housewives,” said the Minister. According to the latest data from the IMF, Indonesia now ranks third in the world amongst countries with the highest production of er...

Singapore is a very small country and exceedingly rich thank you very much. They have no resources and even have to import water from neighboring Malaysia which, although not as rich as Singapore, is still a lot richer than Indonesia.  As for Indonesia, it used to be very poor but is now getting steadily richer. Like Indonesia, China and Vietnam used to be very poor. But they are now getting richer and very quickly too.  North Korea used to be richer than South Korea but now it’s so damn poor its people sometimes eat grass. African countries remain depressingly poor and noone expects them to get rich - ever.  So what the hell is going on? What could possibly explain such divergences in wealth accumulation? Well think about it stupid! And if that clue doesn’t help click here for one possible reason!

If you are aged 55 or over, it is possible to retire in Indonesia, a vast archipelago comprising of over 16,000 islands, of which Bali is the most famous. The bureaucracy involved in getting a retirement visa for Indonesia is challenging but not insurmountable - at least not with a good immigration agency to assist you. The cost of the visa is not cheap but, for many retirees, this is more than offset by a much lower cost of living. So where are the best places to retire in Indonesia? Here are my top six: 1. Bali . The resort island of Bali continues to be the main attraction for retirees, who are quickly won over by its unique and hospitable culture, magnificent sandy beaches and lush countryside. But Bali is not as cheap as it once was - sometimes it’s even darn expensive (especially if you want a nice villa) - and besides, an island overrun with foreign tourists is not every retiree’s cup of tea anyway. In practical terms, though, Bali is still a great place to retire and you ...

Yet another fine Indonesian film. Synopsis: Rico is a handsome young chap but unknown to his family and friends he also has a bit of the “Tiger Woods” spirit in him and is always changing partners. But karma shall be done and the sweaty fun comes to a bloody end when Rico is murdered by a kuntilanak. Now fast forward a couple of years and a young and sexy 22-year old lass called Marsya is looking for work because she needs to pay for her younger sister’s medical treatment after both their parents tragically pass away. Marsya’s boarding room is the one where Rico used to stay (surprise surprise!), and guess what? Yep, that’s right: good old Rico decides that a comeback is in order - but as some sort of reincarnation of the devil! (So that’s what happens if you screw around a lot! Shit – I knew there was a catch!) Rico is more than a little surprised to find a half-naked vixen in his old room but naturally doesn’t think twice about taking advantage of her in a way that only a depraved an...

Say hello to George. The world’s tallest dog! When standing he’s nearly 43 inches tall from paw to shoulder. His weight? An astonishing 245lbs!!! So when you’re playing with him be careful – else you could be squashed as flat as a pancake if he managed to get on top of you! From nose to tail he’s 7feet 3inches!! And boy does he eat – his appetite his so huge that he guzzles down 100lbs of food every month. And he’s a fussy eater too – only the best steaks for this huge Great Dane who lives in Arizona, the USA. And nope there’s no kennel for this monster dog either. As if one could be big enough! Instead he sleeps in his very own bed. A king-sized one. Naturally!!!!!

Shanty has denied rumors on Twitter that she had quietly married Sebastian Paredes, saying – wait for it - he is her “HONEY”. Sweet. Sweet!!!!! He’s my “honey”. Not my husband. Okay? Comprehendo?!!!!!!

According to the latest news reports, the sexy singer Mey Chan of the female two-girl group “Duo Maia” has been arrested by the Fashion Police. “After repeated violations of severe fashion misconduct, Mey Chan has been taken in for questioning,” said the Head of the Fashion Police. “The action was necessary considering the negative impact she may have on her many fans”. “She must change her ways: go to a fashion school and learn how to dress properly ”. But Mey Chan is not happy and is considering a protest. No, not a hunger strike. But a clothes strike!!!!!! Hahaha!!!!!!! Mey Chan is upset about being told she doesn’t have good fashion sense

Someone once told me that an incredible 80 per cent of communication was achieved through body language (rather than talking). But body language can be negative as well as positive and you’ve got to be careful to get it right. Perhaps the worst thing you can do in Indonesia is stand with your hands on your hips. That’s really not good and people will take it as a show of arrogance - - although there’s always an exception to every rule of course! Indonesia's etiquette rules are made to be broken says Marsha Timothy

I saw it written once that the definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. I am finally ready to stop this insanity. Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well. > Andrew Joseph Stack, in the closing lines of the “Joe Stack manifesto” This is an utterly fascinating story and provides a perfect case study into the extent to which Americans are living in a big brother society post the tragic 9/11 events. Okay what happened? Well, what happened was that an irate American taxpayer decided to kill himself by flying his plane into the building of the IRS in AUSTIN, Texas. A pilot slammed his small plane into a seven-story building that housed the local office of the Internal Revenue Service Thursday, apparently killing himself and one agency employee, in what federal officials described as a deliberate suicide attack amid a long-running tax dispute. The pilot,...

Bali’s Ngurah Rai International airport has been named as one of the world’s “ugliest” airports by Travel + Leisure .  It is lumped together with much better known airports like New York JFK, Paris de Gaulle, and – would you believe - London Heathrow!  Wanna know what they said about Ngurah Rai International? Well here’s the spiel:  For an airport whose motto is “Gateway to Paradise,” Ngurah Rai is confoundingly grim. Indonesia’s third-busiest airport, near Bali’s capital city, occupies a long, low building with a ceramic-tile roof. Though it doesn’t look so terrible from the outside, inside is a dingy concourse that could really be anywhere, assuming anywhere is Cleveland.  “Low ceilings, very low lighting, chairs randomly here and there, and lots of gray,” recalls design writer Eva Hagberg, author of Dark Nostalgia. “All I can remember is the gray. Even the business-class lounge is gray.” And you know an airport’s got problems when its most eye-catching feature is ...

If we could compare Indonesian celebrities to chocolate I’m sure that the likes of Julia Perez and the very sexy Jennifer Dunn would fall into the American camp - very sweet but rather unrefined and ultimately, it must be said, rather sickly. Yucks! At the other end of the scale, however, is Belgium chocolate. Mysteriously dark, sophisticated and utterly irresistible, this is the chocolate that best reminds us of celebrities such as the delectable Aurelie Moeremans, a stunning young mixed-blood (Indonesia-Belgium) model who spent much of her youth in the oft-lampooned European country (especially by the Dutch). “Anyone for a chocolate?” asks Aurelie Moeremans. “A soft centered one perhaps?”

Okay, ready to sing? Well here goes then. It’s Sixpence None The Richer and “Kiss me”. Three, two, one…. Kiss me behind the iron bars Lead me out on the concrete floor Lift your open hand Strike up the band and make the mosquitos dance The prison lights are sparkling So kiss me So kiss me... So kiss me... So kiss me...

“I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac, and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher.”    >Barack Obama  Young Barry’s Indonesian school certificate is doing the rounds on the net at the moment (click on it to read it): Source: AP photo  WTF! But what does it mean? Well, Obama’s detractors say that the document shows that Obama was legally adopted by his Indonesian father, Lolo Soetoro, meaning that Obama is in fact Indonesian and that he should therefore not be US president (but, perhaps, president of Indonesia instead - although SBY might have other thoughts on that!!!).  But while this may seem a reasonable assertion is it also wrong. This is because:  1) it is virtually impossible for a foreign male to be awarded Indonesian nationality (do the research yourself) and anyway  2) there is no reason why the authorities would choose the young son of Lolo Soetoro and his mother Ann Dunham to be a noted exception.  Another ex...

A lot of good looking Indonesian girls leave their hometowns expecting the streets of Jakarta to be paved with gold – or even paved at all! – but still find fame and fortune an elusive aspiration. So close yet so far. Just like the gold at the top of the National Monument ( Monas ) – sometimes you see it up there and think you can just reach out and grab it, but when you do… nothing. But Sinta’s story is not like this. Because she has made it in the Big Durian after leaving her hometown of Semarang in Central Java! Besides breaking into the wacky world of Indonesian sinetron, Sinta Bachir has also featured in two feature films, Time and the highly controversial Suster Keramas, which stars the Japanese AV star Rin Sakuragi . So well done Sinta! Sinta certainly has what it takes to become a huge star!

With US President Barack Obama set to jet into Jakarta in only a month’s time, frantic preparations are being made to prepare a suitable “watering hole’ for the beer loving “Barry”. As the most powerful man in the world, we might have expected the authorities to arrange for Barry to have his drinking sessions at a really classy bar. Shangri La’s BATS comes to mind. Or perhaps the very sophisticated Buddha Bar in Cikini. But no. Barry’s having none of it, and as an avowed “man of the people” he has made clear his desire to drink with the “common man” (or woman obviously), and in far less salubrious surroundings. Three different places in Jakarta were initially shortlisted: Blok M, Chinatown and the legendary Jalan Jaksa in central Jakarta. But with Blok M rejected on fears that Obama might be mown down by an Al Quida hijacked Metromini bus leaving the nearby bus station and Chinatown given the thumbs down because of concerns that the US President might want to “loosen up” a bit at on...

Tia Azhari is pretty much the forgotten sister of the Azhari clan. But perhaps that’s not surprising. Because while her sisters ( Rahma , Sarah and Ayu) all stayed at home, Tia left Indonesia for greener, foreign pastures and currently lives in LA (no that’s NOT Lenteng Agung but Los Angeles!!!) As for the Americans, they apparently took an instant liking to Tia’s not inconsiderable attractions and have even asked her to invite her sisters over to Uncle Sam as well – Good news for bilateral relations don’t you think?

This is an Indonesian version of a typically brutal “slash-em-all” movie (such as The Hills Have Eyes) and is generating a fair amount of interest in Indonesia at the moment. So what do you have? Well, a bunch of people screaming as maniacs wield knives, chainsaws and other sharp objects. And blood. Lots of it. Blood everywhere: oozing, squirting, splattering everything around. Hell. You don’t want to watch this horrific (sic) rubbish. You might as well go to an abattoir instead! Having said that, the film does feature two notable Indonesian actresses, the first being the inimitable Julie Estelle , and the other being the lesser known, but equally as talented Shareefa Daanish: Shareefa is no Danish Pastry. Unlike her name might suggest, Shareefa Daanish is not Danish, although, interestingly enough, she does have European connections and was born in London, England.

Back in the 70s the Balinese passed a wonderfully phrased law which forbids the construction of any building “higher than a palm tree”.  And just as well they did. Otherwise Bali would probably have ended up a lot like Honolulu.  So with high rise buildings completely outlawed in Bali, you can imagine my surprise to hear that there are plans for the construction of the world’s tallest statue at a private cultural park in the southern tip of the island!  It will be a statue of the Hindu god Vishnu riding his faithful mount Garuda (a mythical bird), and when complete is expected to stand an incredible 146 meters tall, or easily beating the world’s presently tallest statue, the giant 128 meter Buddha which can be found in Henan, China.  So huge is the planned statue in Bali that the wing span of the Garuda is estimated to reach a phenomenal 64 meters and an estimated 4,000 tons of copper and brass will be needed in the statue’s construction!   But progress has...

On the way to the gym and I see this: WTF! Just look at those dude’s clothes! About as relevant to a young person in Jakarta as baby doll underwear is in Jeddah (oops – wrong again!)  And as for the language in the BNN poster… it’s in English – pretty good English at that – but why? Cos correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t Bahasa Indonesia supposed to be the national language of this county?  Oh well, as long as people understand it of course. But will they?  More on Naomi : Naomi, which means soft and delicate in Arabic, is one of the Arab region’s leading lingerie and nightwear brands. Launched in 1992, the company has been spectacularly successful and now has a presence in six Arab countries (Saudi Arabia, UAE, Kuwait, Bahrain and Oman) with over 126 stores. Its most recent ad was created by TBWA\Raad and it caused quite a stir.

Amazing little story this. First off we have a report that “state construction company PT Pembangunan Perumahan (PP) has secured Rp 16.2 trillion ($1.8 billion) worth of contracts this year, including two with the Binladen Group construction conglomerate and holding company in the Middle East”. Source: Jakarta Post Bin Laden? You mean that Bin Laden? Yep sort of. Well not him specifically but rather his huge family (Osama’s father Sheikh Mohammed bin Laden didn’t waste any time and fathered 53 children with his 22 wives). Unsurprisingly, the Binladen Group have always gone to great lengths to distance themselves from the rather unsavory exploits of its most famous family member. And if you check out Binladen Group’s current website all seems to be in order. But if I were also to tell you that the Group’s previous website had been purchased with a pre-set expiration date of Sept. 11, 2001 , you’d probably think I was talking a lot of nonsense. Or maybe not .