Alterity | Jakarta and Bali

Linda and Ardo meet on a sandy Java beach. But one thing leads to another and it’s not long before the two lovebirds are “wiling away the hours” in the little beachside shack that Ardo has banged together especially for their trysts. Meanwhile, the local ojek rider, Sule, has been up to no good and does the unthinkable by chucking his wife’s bloody placenta into the Java Sea!!! Horror of all horrors!!! But this outrageous act of thoughtless vandalism does not go down too well with a local Indonesian mermaid who almost immediately bursts out of the sea in complete indignation. From here on in it gets progressively worse - although it must be said that the multitalented Dewi Perssik plays the sea nymph role to utter perfection– almost as if the part had been specially written for her. And you know what? Perhaps it had! Dewi Perssik is hot property either in the water or on land! Other Dewi Perssik movies Mr Bean Kesurupan Depe Lihat Boleh, Pegang Jangan XXL and Ku Tunggu Jandamu

“I was expecting to get just a soapy massage, but the girl tried to give me so much more.” ~anon Oasis specializes in the fine art of “soapy massage” and by most accounts is the only place in Jakarta where you can experience this unique and invigorating “treatment”. Take one step inside the building and leave behind you the insanity of modern day Jakarta for an entirely different world altogether. Located on Jakarta’s infamous Mangga Besar Street, Oasis may not be the easiest place to get to. But the journey is worth it. And by the end of your visit you’ll certainly be glad you came! Hahaha! One of course can only wonder what the pharaohs of ancient Egypt would have made of this modest-sized establishment constructed in their honor. I reckon they would have loved it. Especially that old horndog, Ramses the Great. He had 8 official wives and nearly 100 concubines - and was still not entirely satisfied. Compared to other spas in Jakarta like Emporium and the illustrious Alexis...

We are the goon squad and we're coming to town Beep-beep ~ David Bowie Jakarta girls are very fashionable I’d say. All the latest fash ions are here and in the plush shopping malls like Grand Indonesia or Plaza Senayan it sometimes feels as if you’ve gatecrashed a fashion show. Who’s that chick over there? Is that really an orangutan under her arm? Er no, just a handbag. What’s more impressive, though, is how good the less well-off girls look dressed in garments that sell for just a few bucks in the cheapo-shopping outlets like those in Mangga Dua, North Jakarta. You can’t go wrong with tight jeans I suppose. But while tastes in fashion change, men never do. And that’s why Jakarta’s therapeutic spas always do such good business – whatever the latest fashion.  Recognizing this (the crucial importance of aesthetics), Fashion Spa, located in Gunung Sehari, has earned itself the reputation - deservedly so in my opinion - of having some of the best dressed and hottest ther...

The Taj Mahal in Agra, India is one of the world’s most awe-inspiring architectural achievements, so to name a rather rundown little eating establishment after the great mausoleum is - as we say in England - taking the piss to say the least.     That said, the Taj Mahal Jakarta is located in an interesting part of town – right on the northern fringes of Pasar Baru, a down-to-earth and historic shopping district in central Jakarta.  I came across the inconspicuous little restaurant just by chance and couldn’t resist the opportunity to nosh down some Indian grub as it’s not often I get to this part of town.  So was it worth it? You bet! The food is certainly authentic and the vibe totally different from what you get in the other Indian restaurants in Jakarta like Kinara or Ganesha - which are much more upmarket.  But me, being a man of the people, was left totally satisfied. The Taj Mahal Jakarta. Splendid indeed.  Taj Mahal   Jl. K.H. Samanhudi No. 10...

A journey along Jalan Gajah Mada doesn’t just take you from the center of Jakarta to bustling Chinatown. It takes you back in time – from the gleaming business district south of Monas all the way up to the crumbling colonial Dutch quarters at Kota . It’s an area of Jakarta I like a lot. You have the history, the shopping and the insalubrious delights of Manga Besar’s nightlife. What else could you possibly want? But I digress. This post is supposed to be about Gedung Arsip Nasional, or the National Archives Building, a simply wonderful old Dutch building built in (or around) 1760. Tempo dulu… …and now. Bearing in mind the total traffic mayhem in this part of town, the best way to get here is by the busway (which links Blok M in south Jakarta to Kota in the north). Get off at Harmoni - the nearest stop to the National Archives Building. The building is set well back from the main street and has a huge yard in front of it – a remarkable thing since there are virtually no open spaces ...

OMG!! This is hilarious. The Regent of Tegal, Ikmal Jaya, has invited two of the town’s most famous daughters to come back from America to their Central Java hometown, which is not known for much expect its simple eateries called warteg (Warung Tegal). "Jade and Nyomi Marcela, please come home to Tegal. I'm waiting for you. I'll help you find a job here if you are willing to leave America," urged the regent. But isn’t this just a little bit too late? Because both Jade and Nyomi Marcela have been making AV films in the US for many years now - notching up well over 230 fiery encounters. The sisters are particularly revered for their candid antics in such AV classics as Fresh Hot Bab*s # 17 and the eye-opening Di*ty Little S*x Br*ts # 04 in which the irrepressible Jade Marcela takes on David Hardman and Pat Myne at the same time! And more to the point – what exactly does the Tegal Regent expect the Marcella sisters to do in a place like Tegal? Work as waitresses in a war...

We came across a lad from A company. He was ripped open from his shoulder to his waist by shrapnel and lying in a pool of blood. When we got to him, he said: 'Shoot me'. He was beyond human help and, before we could draw a revolver, he was dead. It's an image that has haunted me all my life, seared into my mind.   ~Harry Patch (1898 – 2009)   Not many people know it, but nestled behind Jakarta’s Park Lane Hotel (just off Jalan Casablanca) there is a British World War II Cemetery.  I only heard about it from a good friend, and with Remembrance Day coming up (9 Nov Canada, 11 Nov UK), I decided to make a visit.  The cemetery is managed by the Commonwealth War Graves Commission and it is to their immense credit - and to that of the Indonesian caretaker as well - that the cemetery is in absolutely immaculate condition.   All the dead are commemorated by a name on a headstone which are ALL exactly the same regardless of military or civil rank, race or creed. ...

There are bars you go to get pissed and there are bars you go to be seen. Needless to say, the extremely plush and fancy Face bar in diplomatic Menteng is firmly in the latter category. Managed by the Face Group, this bar is actually one of the oldest in Jakarta and has TWO fine restaurants in the same building – the Lan Na Tai (Thai) and Hazara (North Indian). So there’s no excuse to drink on an empty stomach! Hahaha! Not your common spit-and-sawdust boozer, the Face Bar is the place you come to close a business deal or impress a worthy date. Okay, so how does the bar measure up? Well, it’s posh. Antiques are everywhere – and they are the real McCoy and not just cheapo imitations. The bar pays homage to the sort of tavern that traders would have rested at as they traveled the legendary silk route all those years ago. I’m not sure how that’s relevant to modern day Jakarta but it was probably just as quick to travel on a camel back then as it is to travel by car in today’s J...

On a recent sojourn around the Pasar Baru area of central Jakarta and I came across this old post office on Jalan Pos: And tempo dulu, in 1947: About the only visible difference appear to be that the post office used to have a clock! Notably, this is the first post office to be built in Jakarta (around the mid-1850s) - and with its huge arch the building bears a close resemblance to the marvelous Art Deco Kota railway station located further to the north. Credit should also be given to the Indonesian Post Office for maintaining the building in such excellent condition (the same cannot be said of the Jakarta local government whose painful mismanagement of the historic Kota area of Jakarta means that many fine old buildings are now gradually rotting away). Kantor Pos Pasar Baru Jalan Pos, No 1 Pasar Baru, Sawah Besar, Central Jakarta

Who doesn’t crave a raw and tender steak now and again?  An urge, no doubt, that can be traced back to primordial times, when we were still hanging from trees and the dinner didn’t just magically appear on the table every evening.    But those days are long gone, and even though there are tribes out there who still go hunting with spears and blowpipes, the rest of us will have our carnivorous hankerings handed to us on a plate (quite literally!), either at home or in a restaurant.  In Jakarta the number of steakhouses has mushroomed over the years thanks to rising incomes and changing consumer tastes. Some of them are pretty expensive, but smack bang in central Jakarta on the famous Jalan Wahid Hasyim street, you can find two affordable steakhouses that are located only a few doors apart.  They are the old man on the block, Abuba Steak, and its rival upstart, Alibaba Steak. So where should you go to get your protein fix? Well, let’s see how they measure up bas...

Rancamaya Golf and Country Club is located near to the hillside town of Bogor, and only around an hour’s drive from Jakarta (depending on the toll road traffic)! To get there, take the Ciawi toll road exit (to avoid the traffic of Bogor) and look out for the turning on the right which takes you into the estate. And wow, what a surprise! No dark grays as in Jakarta, but lush greens and a true, blue sky. And the air! My god the air! Compared to Jakarta’s noxious brew, breathing this stuff is like sucking down nitrox - the pure oxygen that advanced divers use when they plan especially deep dives! Getting around the estate is very easy, as it is so well laid out. We found our villa in 10 minutes and were blown away by the panoramic views of the valley below and Gunung Salak in the distance. And it wasn’t long before the steaks were sizzling and the wines and beers were flowing. Paradise yes. And this close to Jakarta – unbelievable! * If you fancy your own country...

OMG! Please save us! Yet another film about bloody pocongs!!!! And there you have it - a creature walking around with what looks like an oversized dim sum on his shoulders! But this is no ordinary pocong, you’ll understand, but a poconggg – a sort of pocong without the balls, unable or unwilling to scare humans and, worst of all, scared of other supernatural creatures like ghosts. But luckily for poconggg, his path crosses that of Kunti (!!!), a sensual female vampire – or better known as kuntilanak – a type of creature which lures its human victims into its snare by moaning salaciously before murdering them without mercy. So, will the poconggg get to have his way with the lovely Kunti? Or will she spurn his advances? Well you’ll just have to watch the film to find out! Saphira Indah is the lovely Kunti in this comedy cum horror flick.

Well, would you believe it? More mayhem in Twitterland! This time a rather nasty spat between lovebirds Edrian Aji Prihartanto (Anji) and Wina Natalia ! Through the social media tool Twitter, which has become very popular in Indonesia, Wina let loose in spectacular fashion, blaming Indonesian wunderbabe Raline Shah of getting a piece of her man! (albeit denying it later!) But Wina didn’t stop there and, according to reports, she even accused Anji of doing the unthinkable - impregnating the gorgeous Raline! Anji, for his part, was - like all bad men - unrepentant and brushed aside the accusations as if he had simply been accused of taking the last chocolate bar from the fridge. Nonetheless, any transgressions on Anji’s part would be understandable. They really would… Raline Shah has legs and she knows how to use them it seems.