A list of the top ten plus plus spas in Jakarta? Okay, without further ado (or should that be aduh!!!) here it is:
10. Malioboro Spa. Over cynical and commercial yet fun if you stick with it – a bit like watching Chelsea on one of their better days. Hey that’s a point – even Torres could score here! Hahaha! Wallet damage: Rp1million ++
9. Emporium Spa. Overpriced but the facilities are pretty good. Go for the “one hour special package” if you are trying to fit this into a lunch break. Wallet damage: Rp1 million ++
8. Comfort Spa. All the creature comforts of a good spa are literally on hand to give you a pleasurable time. Fairly pricey but with an excellent selection of masseurs. Wallet damage: Rp750k++
7. Illigals. One-stop entertainment center for the well-heeled philogynist. Wallet damage: at least Rp1million for a good time, more for a really, really good time.
6. Delta Spa. Sleek black cars turn up and then - a couple of hours later - they leave. The only difference? The driver now has a smile on his face! There are a string of these spas located across Jakarta and they are well run and professional if a little pricey. Wallet damage: Rp700k++
What can I do for you, mister?
5. Atlantis. Nah. Not that long lost island but a beguiling massage parlor-cum-spa in the heart of the Big Mangga. Wallet damage: Rp700k
4. Oasis. Gaudy as bling, this Ancient Egyptian themed spa is reputedly reputed to be the only place in Jakarta where you can get a soapy massage. If that doesn’t pique your curiosity, then it’s probably the old folk’s home for you!
3. Kimochi. I think I'm turning Japanese; I think I'm turning Japanese; I really think so… One of the oldest Jakarta spas/massage joints, Kimochi looks a bit dodgy from the outside but don’t let that put you off. Good value for money - you’ll be glad you came! Hahaha! Wallet damage: Rp500k
2. Alexis. Whorrendously overpriced, this fantasy world for men brings Caligula to Jakarta in spectacular fashion. Was it real or was I just dreaming? Difficult to say, although I was pretty pissed at the time. Wallet damage: Rp1.5million +++++++
1. Hotel Travel. One of Jakarta’s most notorious dens of disrepute, Hotel Travel wins punters over thanks to its unique combination of affordability and clean, functional rooms. The metal bar hanging from your room’s ceiling is an especially nice touch but don’t do anything stupid because this would be a really embarrassing place to die, okay? Choose from a range of bubbly masseurs. My tip? Treat yourself and get TWO. Wallet damage: Rp400k ++